the first week

Well, I've been back to work for a week now. Our little household seems to be doing OK. The first day was pretty hard. I think I looked like a deer caught in the headlights all day. I nodded and smiled a lot. It was pretty surreal. People would tell me things about work, and I would think, "is this supposed to matter to me now?".

The rest of the week was a little easier, and my brain seemed to kick in and remember how to process all that information. I could carry on conversations at normal speed. I didn't feel like I was walking through water, sluggish and slow. I couldn't help but notice that my replacement worked more overtime than I ever will. Perhaps I'm being a little paranoid, but I'm wondering if they really want me back. To be fair of course, I don't really want to be back . . .

I am feeling like a bit of an outsider. I go for lunch alone, and that's what I've always done, but I think after a year of constant company, I am feeling that more. It's a lonely way to spend the day.

I am also not actually back at my desk. For the time being, my replacement is occupying that space so she can retrain me to do my job and finish the work she started for this academic term. I have to refrain from plastering the space with Noah's artwork and pictures of Marc and the kids. It's unsettling. And maybe that's a good thing. Earlier in this blog, I had resolved to try and find a way to stay home after 6 months of work. If I get too comfortable, I may not leave.

The kids are doing well at daycare. Noah has made a good friend in a 5 year old boy (the grandson of the daycare lady - Shar). Molly is eating and sleeping well there, and enjoying playing with all the kids. Shar sends me little notes home about what the kids did and how they're settling in.

Marc is doing all the dropping off and picking up. I think this is what's keeping me sane. I say goodbye to the kids at home, and go catch the bus. Marc is going to start working at home in the mornings so that he doesn't have to drive as much. I like that he gets to see the kids during the day. Marc is also getting to know other parents from Noah's class. These were the kind of connections I didn't want to lose going back to work. I've been driving myself crazy thinking about how to make my own schedule more flexible and family friendly. Now I realize it's Marc's turn . . . for now.