This is my mantra these days. I read it in a Chatelaine article, and it just really seems to fit. The white picket fence is that ideal world where I would get to stay home with the kids. It remains a goal. It's not possible at the moment, but I still want it. Because that's the way it is, it is also helpful to remember that the white picket fence world is not a panacea. Being a stay-at-home Mom is hard work, especially with more than one child.
Weeks 2 and 3 at work have been hard. Week 2 was especially weird. I was convinced that my boss and co-workers didn't want me back. I have a feeling I was projecting.
Here's what I need to do:
I need to commit to being at work for 6 months. I should renew relationships with my co-workers. I should take advantage of the opportunities available to me because I have to be there. I have an entire hour for lunch. These past 3 weeks, I have spent most of it wandering aimlessly through the bookstore or reading magazines. I am going to join the gym at work and work out at noon. I think some exercise will improve my outlook and hopefully melt some of that Christmas weight!
Since I don't seem to find the time to blog a whole lot, and I think some memories and thoughts are being lost, I should take a break from the Sudoku puzzles and journal on my bus rides every now and then.
I should take a look at what I want to be when the kids are a little older. I mean, the most important thing to me is being a Mom, and everything else should take a backseat, but there should be other stuff too. When I take time for me, I don't want it to always be about physical stuff (getting a haircut, working out). I need to take some time for creative and spiritual pursuits.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
funny Noah moment
Another one for the baby book:
Noah was saying grace before supper and making silly noises while doing it. I don't like to encourage that particular kind of silliness, so I finished grace for him. Noah's response: Mommy, that was MY line!". I have had him pegged for an actor for a long time. This confirms my suspicions.
Noah was saying grace before supper and making silly noises while doing it. I don't like to encourage that particular kind of silliness, so I finished grace for him. Noah's response: Mommy, that was MY line!". I have had him pegged for an actor for a long time. This confirms my suspicions.
the first week
Well, I've been back to work for a week now. Our little household seems to be doing OK. The first day was pretty hard. I think I looked like a deer caught in the headlights all day. I nodded and smiled a lot. It was pretty surreal. People would tell me things about work, and I would think, "is this supposed to matter to me now?".
The rest of the week was a little easier, and my brain seemed to kick in and remember how to process all that information. I could carry on conversations at normal speed. I didn't feel like I was walking through water, sluggish and slow. I couldn't help but notice that my replacement worked more overtime than I ever will. Perhaps I'm being a little paranoid, but I'm wondering if they really want me back. To be fair of course, I don't really want to be back . . .
I am feeling like a bit of an outsider. I go for lunch alone, and that's what I've always done, but I think after a year of constant company, I am feeling that more. It's a lonely way to spend the day.
I am also not actually back at my desk. For the time being, my replacement is occupying that space so she can retrain me to do my job and finish the work she started for this academic term. I have to refrain from plastering the space with Noah's artwork and pictures of Marc and the kids. It's unsettling. And maybe that's a good thing. Earlier in this blog, I had resolved to try and find a way to stay home after 6 months of work. If I get too comfortable, I may not leave.
The kids are doing well at daycare. Noah has made a good friend in a 5 year old boy (the grandson of the daycare lady - Shar). Molly is eating and sleeping well there, and enjoying playing with all the kids. Shar sends me little notes home about what the kids did and how they're settling in.
Marc is doing all the dropping off and picking up. I think this is what's keeping me sane. I say goodbye to the kids at home, and go catch the bus. Marc is going to start working at home in the mornings so that he doesn't have to drive as much. I like that he gets to see the kids during the day. Marc is also getting to know other parents from Noah's class. These were the kind of connections I didn't want to lose going back to work. I've been driving myself crazy thinking about how to make my own schedule more flexible and family friendly. Now I realize it's Marc's turn . . . for now.
The rest of the week was a little easier, and my brain seemed to kick in and remember how to process all that information. I could carry on conversations at normal speed. I didn't feel like I was walking through water, sluggish and slow. I couldn't help but notice that my replacement worked more overtime than I ever will. Perhaps I'm being a little paranoid, but I'm wondering if they really want me back. To be fair of course, I don't really want to be back . . .
I am feeling like a bit of an outsider. I go for lunch alone, and that's what I've always done, but I think after a year of constant company, I am feeling that more. It's a lonely way to spend the day.
I am also not actually back at my desk. For the time being, my replacement is occupying that space so she can retrain me to do my job and finish the work she started for this academic term. I have to refrain from plastering the space with Noah's artwork and pictures of Marc and the kids. It's unsettling. And maybe that's a good thing. Earlier in this blog, I had resolved to try and find a way to stay home after 6 months of work. If I get too comfortable, I may not leave.
The kids are doing well at daycare. Noah has made a good friend in a 5 year old boy (the grandson of the daycare lady - Shar). Molly is eating and sleeping well there, and enjoying playing with all the kids. Shar sends me little notes home about what the kids did and how they're settling in.
Marc is doing all the dropping off and picking up. I think this is what's keeping me sane. I say goodbye to the kids at home, and go catch the bus. Marc is going to start working at home in the mornings so that he doesn't have to drive as much. I like that he gets to see the kids during the day. Marc is also getting to know other parents from Noah's class. These were the kind of connections I didn't want to lose going back to work. I've been driving myself crazy thinking about how to make my own schedule more flexible and family friendly. Now I realize it's Marc's turn . . . for now.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
celebrations
Yesterday was the last day of my maternity leave (today and Sunday don't count as I don't work weekends). coincidentally, it was also Marc's birthday. now, usually we are all tired of celebrations by the time his birthday comes along (Marc and i are both introverts, so holiday gatherings while delightful are also quite draining), and most of us have a cold we caught over the holidays. So, we don't usually do too much more celebrating for Marc's birthday. This year, however, we returned from our travels on New Years Eve, and were relatively healthy and well rested by the fifth. So, the kids and I spent yesterday preparing a little party.
Noah, Molly and I went shopping for Daddy's present at Zellers in the morning. The kids both sat in the cart, so there were no tantrums about the toy aisle, and the kids entertained each other. Noah was feeding Molly Cheerios. It was super cute. I even picked up a few things that were not on the list while they weren't looking. (Generally, disaster ensues if we don't stick to our original - short - plan.) Noah picked out some Lego that he and Marc could build together. (Of course he wanted to take it out of the package before Marc got home, but that's another story.)
Molly napped in the early afternoon, so Noah and I played Larry Boy games. When she woke up, we headed outside for some fun in the snow. We even went for a short walk with both kids in the sled.
When we came back in, it was time to start making the birthday dinner:salsa chicken, oven fries and salad. (Noah is not a fan of too many veggies - except animated ones that tell Bible stories - but he likes Romaine lettuce.) When faced with the choice of berry-short-birthday-cake and whipped cream or birthday chocolate pudding, Noah picked pudding. While everything was cooking, we decorated for the party. I blew up a dozen balloons, and spread the Sesame Street tablecloth. We had planned to hang the balloons, but ran out of time. (I decided to change a poopy baby instead.) The balloons stayed on the table, and we nestled our plates among them.
When Marc came home, he was greeted by Noah, party hats in hand. He opened his presents, and he and Noah got to work on the Lego while I finished the salad. We had a lovely dinner, and then spent a few minutes playing together in the living room before it was time for tubbies and bed.
It was just the four of us. We didn't invite anyone else, and it was a lovely way to end my maternity leave.
Noah, Molly and I went shopping for Daddy's present at Zellers in the morning. The kids both sat in the cart, so there were no tantrums about the toy aisle, and the kids entertained each other. Noah was feeding Molly Cheerios. It was super cute. I even picked up a few things that were not on the list while they weren't looking. (Generally, disaster ensues if we don't stick to our original - short - plan.) Noah picked out some Lego that he and Marc could build together. (Of course he wanted to take it out of the package before Marc got home, but that's another story.)
Molly napped in the early afternoon, so Noah and I played Larry Boy games. When she woke up, we headed outside for some fun in the snow. We even went for a short walk with both kids in the sled.
When we came back in, it was time to start making the birthday dinner:salsa chicken, oven fries and salad. (Noah is not a fan of too many veggies - except animated ones that tell Bible stories - but he likes Romaine lettuce.) When faced with the choice of berry-short-birthday-cake and whipped cream or birthday chocolate pudding, Noah picked pudding. While everything was cooking, we decorated for the party. I blew up a dozen balloons, and spread the Sesame Street tablecloth. We had planned to hang the balloons, but ran out of time. (I decided to change a poopy baby instead.) The balloons stayed on the table, and we nestled our plates among them.
When Marc came home, he was greeted by Noah, party hats in hand. He opened his presents, and he and Noah got to work on the Lego while I finished the salad. We had a lovely dinner, and then spent a few minutes playing together in the living room before it was time for tubbies and bed.
It was just the four of us. We didn't invite anyone else, and it was a lovely way to end my maternity leave.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
daycare visit
Well, I guess my return to work is actually happening. Noah, Molly and I visited their daycare today. It turns out that they will be attending the same home daycare as Kate is not going to be able to take Noah after all. She's finding the transition to 3 kids a lot more stressful than she thought it would be, and then you throw in some PPD, and it's not good. She says she's grateful that I am being so understanding. I suppose I am, but letting Kate take care of herself and her family is also the better thing for Noah as well. You know?
Having both kids at Shar's daycare means that Marc will be dropping them off and picking them up. It's been a little dream of mine to take the bus to work in the mornings . . .getting a chance to read a book and drink a coffee. We'll see how that dream works out after a few weeks in a bus full of University students! I think that Molly may have an easier time if Marc drops her off than if I were to do it. I hope that's the case.
Back to the actual visit:
I think Molly will be just fine. She was smiling and talking to Shar, and letting her hold her for music circle. Of course, part of me is very happy about this. The other part of me was just about in tears seeing someone else hold my baby, and knowing she will get to hold my baby while I am at work.
Noah, I am not so sure. I'm not sure their personalities are a good fit. Here is an example: Noah was writing his name on her white board. He was taking his time, deciding on the colours and where to put his name. For some reason, he was having some trouble. He can usually write his name in the blink of an eye. At some point, Shar broke in and took his hand to show him how to do it properly. He was not pleased. Noah does not like to be taught how to do things unless he asks for help. My hope is that as she gets to know him, she will be able to relate to him a little better. My fear is that because she will expect Noah to conform to the way things are done there without making any concessions to his personality. I know that he will have to learn her rules. I have no problem with that. I just think things will go better if she listens to what he has to say. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive and over thinking this. I just read Raising Your Spirited Child and a lot of it seemed to fit Noah. Knowing that perhaps he needs a little more help or a little more adjustment time than a lot of kids makes me nervous.
Having both kids at Shar's daycare means that Marc will be dropping them off and picking them up. It's been a little dream of mine to take the bus to work in the mornings . . .getting a chance to read a book and drink a coffee. We'll see how that dream works out after a few weeks in a bus full of University students! I think that Molly may have an easier time if Marc drops her off than if I were to do it. I hope that's the case.
Back to the actual visit:
I think Molly will be just fine. She was smiling and talking to Shar, and letting her hold her for music circle. Of course, part of me is very happy about this. The other part of me was just about in tears seeing someone else hold my baby, and knowing she will get to hold my baby while I am at work.
Noah, I am not so sure. I'm not sure their personalities are a good fit. Here is an example: Noah was writing his name on her white board. He was taking his time, deciding on the colours and where to put his name. For some reason, he was having some trouble. He can usually write his name in the blink of an eye. At some point, Shar broke in and took his hand to show him how to do it properly. He was not pleased. Noah does not like to be taught how to do things unless he asks for help. My hope is that as she gets to know him, she will be able to relate to him a little better. My fear is that because she will expect Noah to conform to the way things are done there without making any concessions to his personality. I know that he will have to learn her rules. I have no problem with that. I just think things will go better if she listens to what he has to say. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive and over thinking this. I just read Raising Your Spirited Child and a lot of it seemed to fit Noah. Knowing that perhaps he needs a little more help or a little more adjustment time than a lot of kids makes me nervous.
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