Gratitude

So, things are kind of crappy right now. I was really looking forward to being on leave and doing some volunteer work and thinking about future career moves. Needless to say, this has not happened. I will not get into the specifics here to protect my family's privacy (such as it is).

We are looking for a therapist for one of the kids, and honestly have been hitting some pretty hard brick walls and dead ends. While the therapists haven't worked out, and the kid is not willing to take their advice, I am going to start taking some of the advice that was offered, because it makes sense to me if not to the kid.

One thing that was suggested was a gratitude journal. So, this blog is going to become that for a little while. I need to find those bright moments and record them, because there just seem to be so many dark moments right now. Make sense? Not trying to ignore the problems (though it is tempting), just trying to find a little joy to fuel the journey.

I will start with a moment from yesterday. Hanaa FINALLY had a good time at her tap class. She has been attending since September and has not come out of there happy once in all that time. We have had tears, frowns, and some disastrous attempts at bribery with skittles. I have begged her to quit. "This is not making you happy", I would say again and again, "maybe we should just give up" -- to no avail. She would show up every week, get through the warm up and some floor work with a smile, and then just lose her confidence and sparkle when they were working on trickier steps or the year-end piece.

Last week, I was a little relieved that there was no room in the "viewers gallery" and didn't watch the class. She seemed to do better. This week I thought I would repeat that, but Hanaa called me on it at their first water break, so I went back and sat in the gallery. They were practicing their dance for the recital, and Hanaa was all over it after months of shrugging through it with no enthusiasm or hiding in a corner. She was her sassy, confident self, complete with jazz hands.

At the end of the class, she looked at me and said, "and that's why I didn't quit". Amazing.