I almost lost them yesterday.

My girls. They just wandered away.

We had just returned from the big family reunion in Edmonton: four days on the road, rest stops, hotel pools, West Edmonton Mall water park, big picnic site. They were fine---no injuries (barring a wasp sting for Molly in Nana's backyard), no anxious moments wondering where they were.

So, we were back home, breathing a sigh of relief. Molly and Hanaa were outside playing on our street where they had played a thousand times before. Noah was inside reading. He was joking about them running away. Then they did. All of a sudden they were not on our street. They were not at the two close parks. They were not within earshot.

I tried to keep calm. Noah was doing a really good job of freaking out for both of us.

Some neighbours and I did some quick searching and knocking on doors, nothing. I called Marc. He got in the van and picked them up on his way home; they were  walking merrily along to the far-away park down the street.

I still don't know why. Molly said something about Noah telling them they weren't allowed within a mile of the house, and Hanaa said she thought she was dreaming. Seriously. She was not wearing shoes.

Right before Marc let me know he found them, I was getting ready to call the police. I could not remember what Molly had on. I knew exactly what Hanaa was wearing because she refused about a dozen outfits before agreeing to one. Sometimes I'm glad she's a diva.

So, today, I took pictures of the kids with my phone first thing in the morning. I think I might do it every morning. Just in case. 

 

a change in perspective

I never look forward to the daycare pick-up. Hmmm, let me rephrase that. I like the daycare pick-up itself and getting in a little chat with Shar or some of the other daycare parents and getting to see my kids for the first time since breakfast. I do not look forward to the time between picking the kids up at daycare and when we sit down for supper. We are all tired, and sometimes we are all grumpy. Walking home from daycare sometimes gobbles my (limited) patience whole. Here's how it usually goes.

Noah talks my ear off about his latest writing project or thoughts on videogame characters. If I have the sled, Hanaa rides along fairly contentedly. Molly will jump on and off the sled making it run into my heels or throw giant chunks of snow onto the sled provoking indignant screams from Hanaa. That girl can scream. Molly will completely ignore me when I ask her to stop and bursts into tears if(when) I raise my voice. While Hanaa screams and Molly cries, Noah will continue his monologue and expect me to respond at appropriate intervals.

(Long story short - it is a GONG SHOW! It is a kind culture shock coming from an office where I do not actually have to speak to anyone all day.)

Once we get home, I usually let them watch TV for half an hour while I make supper. It keeps me sane-ish.

So today, I arrived at daycare with fear and trepidation. Noah has been having a hard time lately getting back into routine and has been really exhausting to be around. So, I thought I might be arriving to a tired/angry Noah, which is even worse than the scenario described above.

But, he had a good day today. He was happy and relational. He had stories to tell.

Noah told me about his new comic book; Hanaa sat on my shoulders and sang "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" in my ear, and Molly just jumped around and played with snow balls and interjected little stories when Noah paused for breath. I walked home from daycare listening to three happy voices all singing their own tunes at the same time. Cacophony? perhaps, but I could pick out happy little melodies from all three.

Hecla 2011

This is kind of a random thoughts post after our annual trip to Hecla Island. Usually we go with Marc's Mom and Dad and sister and family, but this year it was just us.

I discovered that I actually like our minivan. It only needed accessories, a cartop carrier and a bike rack.

Quote of week from Hanaa (while chasing a butterfly), "Butterfly sister, where are you going? Come baaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

Since there wasn`t room to pack a stroller, I packed the baby carrier for Hanaa`s bedtime walks. It worked really well. She was generally asleep within 10 minutes. Here`s my guilty secret though, I didn`t walk very far from the cabin on those walks. There was a turn-around in the bike path beside our cabin, so I walked in circles a lot. I was freaked out about meeting a bear. Turns out, I was not being silly. There have been lots of bears approaching campsites this year because of the scarcity of food due to dry weather.

Always pack at least 3 towels and 2 sunhats per person.

Bike trails are difficult for 5-year-olds on tiny bikes. We should have packed the tandem instead. The last two days, we didn't even attempt to bike to the beach, to Molly's great relief. There was considerably less whining. (I loved biking to the beach. I would have loved to leave the van in parking lot the whole time.)

Pizza night at Integrity Foods outside of Riverton is lots of fun and may become a yearly tradition. Go for the pizza. Stay for the torpedo ball. Noah was a particular fan of this outing. Molly and Hanaa liked the bunnies (but not the chickens).

I'm very relieved that no one peed the bed. I'm looking forward to travelling without a potty next year. By the end of the week Hanaa was asking to be taken to the bathrooms instead of using the little potty in the cabin. I`m hoping this is the end of her fear of strange toilets (especially on road trips).

Sunset beach is really very lovely in the evening. Pack water shoes.

Riding home in the tow-truck was not planned, but not particularly unpleasant. Maybe those new accessories were too much for the van after all.

Noah invented a new superhero persona on the trip: Canadian Noah. Sadly, I was cast as the villain: Evil Mom Lady.

what's your favourite colour?

Molly likes to ask me what my favourite colour is, but it doesn't end there. I have to think of second and third favourites (at least). It's one of those questions I answer without thinking about it, with my mind on the dishes I need to wash or the road in front of the van or making sure Hanaa doesn't fly off of something. Sometimes I answer it impatiently. Here is my real answer just for Molly:

My first favourite colour is the orange-red of your hair shining in the sun when you've taken off your hat, followed by the colour of those cinnamon freckles on your nose, followed by the golden greenish brown of your bright eyes.

growing up two

Molly is also growing up. She has always been very, um, hands on with Hanaa, mostly out of love, but I am always telling her to back up, not to squeeze so tight, that Hanaa screaming means she doesn't want a kiss right now, etc.

 The girls were playing some sort of rough and tumble puppy dog princess game this morning, and Hanaa bonked her head. She started wailing and ran over for some cuddles from me. Molly came over too and attempted to give Hanaa a hug. Hanaa was having none of that and pushed Molly away. Instead of getting upset and trying to give Hanaa that hug using any means necessary, Molly make a big show out of falling over from Hanaa's little push. Of course, Hanaa started giggling and pushed Molly again. There were more dramatics and more giggles. Soon Hanaa had forgotten about being hurt all together thanks to her big sister.

growing up

So, my little guy seems to be growing up and maturing. I was taking him to see Harry Potter the other night, and I asked him how I thought we could make Molly feel better about not coming. He agreed that we should promise her a movie too. Then he said, "when Molly cries like that when you leave, it's really hard on Dad."
He is also learning how to manage his own feelings. Noah is very sensitive to sound and light. A busy, noisy space like a school assembly or a gym full of kids (or sometimes a classroom) is overwhelming for him. When I went to pick him up from mini-U (day camp) today, he was sitting apart from his group reading a book. They had just returned from a day of activities (rock climbing, dodge ball, swimming, etc.) , and they were gathering in the Max Bell center with all the other campers. He was tired; it was loud and hot and bright. He was feeling overwhelmed, and pulled out his book, so he could escape all of that. I sat there with him while he read for 10 minutes. He didn't want to talk to me or to anyone. When he was feeling OK again, he read me a funny part from his book and was happy and social again. This was sooooo much nicer than a huge melt down on the way home.

in a rut

wake up. coffee. shower. get kids up. take Hanaa to the potty. dress Hanaa. make breakfast for kids. get dressed. go to work. work. pick up kids at daycare. make supper. piano practice for Molly. piano practice with Noah. home reading with Noah. bathtime for Hanaa and Molly. stories for Hanaa and Molly. aah Molly is asleep. wrestle Hanaa into bed. send Noah up to bed. make lunches. go on Facebook, go to bed.

repeat.

bleh

hanaa-isms

Hanaa is a very funny girl. I love it that Hanaa's language acquisition is just exploding, and I get to hear a little of what goes through her head! Here are a couple of examples, not the best ones, just the ones I can remember at the moment.

While I was making supper tonight, Hanaa came running into the kitchen crying. Molly had probably just grabbed back a toy that she had grabbed away in the first place or something like that. Of course, it was the end of the world, tears, snot, wailing, the whole ball-o-wax (as they say). I picked her up, and got a kleenex, but not before she had burried her face in my shirt. She stops crying, pulls her face away from my shirt, points to the big wet spot she left behind, and says "nose, nose, nose" in a tone of utter dismay.

One of Hanaa's bedtime stories tonight was Go Dog Go. I had finished reading it to her, and she was having another look through it on her own. She started reading: "Go Go Woof. "

mental health day

So, Noah woke up with a headache and sore stomach that seemed to evaporate as soon as I had made the decision to stay home from work with him. I'm really glad I let him stay home though.

Noah has a difficult time adjusting to change. The first few weeks of school are brutal, and we are trying to hold things together, praying that he saves his outbursts for home. If we can weather another week or so, we should be OK for a little while at least. But honestly, in some ways it feels like the end of the world. He gets so upset and angry and will not be consoled and responds angrily to any attempts to help him. We are working with him to learn to control his anger, to express it in appropriate ways that do not involve pushing or yelling at his sisters, but it's hard. He resists any attempt to give him a space or some time to calm down. He's unhappy, so unhappiness should rule everywhere.

So, I think he really did have a headache this morning. He really did have a sore stomach, but I have a feeling they were anxiety or stress related, hence the mental health day.

We had a fantastic day. We played board games, ate lunch together, read 3 chapters of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Then he received a gift card from Chapters in the mail (thanks Uncle Greg!) and we went to Chapters to spend it. (OK, so I'm still a little iffy about whether I should have taken him when he was supposed to be "sick", but there it is.)

It was great to spend time with him alone. Now, to figure out how to do that without calling in sick to school and work.

Halloween conversations

So, as usual Noah has known for weeks what his costume is going to be for Halloween. It may surprise you to learn that he will be dressing up as Harry Potter. Now, once he decided that, I decided I was going to make a Hedwig costume for Hanaa, cause I'm like that.

Now, Molly is a little different. She changes her mind every day (princess, witch, bunny rabbit, poney . . . ) Part of me wants to convince her to be Ginny Weasly - perfect right? But, mostly I want her to be happy with her costume.

Here's the conversation we had today:

Noah: Molly, do you want to be Ginny Weasly?

Molly: Is she a girl?

Noah: Yes, she's a witch. She has red hair.

Me: Well, Noah, Molly doesn't really know that much about Harry Potter and the characters, so maybe she wants to be something else, you know, not from Harry . . .

Molly: I was thinking I would be Hermione Granger.

proud mommy post

So, I have 13 minutes before the kids get out of school, so this will be brief.

I am so impressed by Noah's ear for music. Last night he did NOT want to practice, but was going through the motions in very bad humour to earn some computer time. Even though he was angry and acting out, he could not help but listen to what I was playing and play it back to me. I don't love the attitude, but I love that he has an ear.

Hanaa is now pointing at all letters and saying: H H H. Too cute. She is also learning to use the potty. Exciting times.

Molly is loving nursery school. She loves to share about the things she learned and things her teacher said and what colour her teacher's jacket is.

wordless wednesday

words

So, here's a list of words that Hanaa is saying these days:

hat / cat - both sound like at, but you can tell which she means in context (when she screams "AT AT AT" and points at the cat, she's usually looking for her sombrero.

milk / drink / snack / crack(er) - also sound alike (ack), and are harder to figure out (but if you give her the wrong one, she screams and throws it to the ground.

walk - also pronounced "ack".

dada (Marc)
mama (me!)

mum - means she wants to nurse

lunch - not so much the "L" sound, but the "unch" is perfect!

this-is - catch all question. Also somehow refers to Noah and Molly.

She also quacks like a duck and barks if you say puppy.

Edited to add: I forgot to add "UP", which she says all the time, and "OFF" - very useful with the siblings.

raise a reader

Noah is an avid reader. It is a wonderful thing. He will keep himself busy for hours (doing something that does not involve watching a screen). We have always read to him. I love children's books. I had a collection before I was even pregnant.

I know parents are encouraged to read to their kids for all sorts of good and noble reasons, but here's one more, that extra little boost. Eventually, they will learn to read on their own, and it may afford you, the parent, a little time to sip a cuppa' and type on your blog.

tuesday randoms

Many thanks to Amber at Monster Cookies for introducing me to Tuesday Randoms. Great idea! At some point I will link this up to her source!

The keen emptiness of the minivan after I've dropped my kids at daycare and continue on to work -- the echoes of Molly's and Hanaa's cries filling my thoughts.

The thought that waiting for Molly's thumb-sucking to resolve itself is going to cost us plenty in orthodontist bills. Keep that job with good benefits.

I must stop falling in love with houses on mls before we start looking.

Simon and Garfunkel: Blessed are the meth drinkers, pot sellers, illusion dwellers. wow. Can't wait for May 5th.

Do you ever feel more sympathetic towards a character on TV because of other (unrelated) roles the actor has played? I like Taye Digg's character on Private Practice more because he was in RENT (even though he played the bad guy).

Ever been tempted to or actually make yourself a peanut-butter marshmallow sandwich? I was tempted tonight. Have not succumbed as of 10:37 pm.

Random enough?

my daycare

I told an acquaintance at work that my daycare was closed over spring break. She was horrified. I wonder what she would have said had I told her about the whole month of August!

Now sure, my reaction was similar when I learned (before signing the kids up, obviously) of these various closures. It can be a problem to come up with that kind of time off. But now, I understand the wisdom of it. It gives the year some structure. It gives us the opportunity to create some family traditions. This year, Marc and I split Spring Break. We each took 2 days off. I took the kids to the park and the Manitoba Museum; Marc took them swimming and to the Children's Museum. It was a great week (even with Hanaa in a no-stroller phase). I think they will look forward to it next year as well. It was also a fairly inexpensive week as we have memberships at the Y and the Museum.

The kids look forward to the month of August as well. Marc and I take vacation time - together if we can manage it. My Mom comes out for a week to take care of the kids. We call it her Nanny-Nana gig. The kids love having her here, and I really enjoy the visit as well as having another adult in the house who can come up with supper ideas (and who makes a killer Greek salad).

So, Shar, if you're reading this (and even if you're not), thank you.

and all of a sudden

Hanaa is a kid. She's not a baby anymore. She plays like a kid. She's gone from exploring colour, texture, shape, sounds, etc. to playing with toys like the older kids do. She makes a brrrrm noise when she rolls her cars around, and kisses her dollies good night. She makes her own little jokes. It used to be that the older kids would go find her when they wanted to play with her. She now seeks them out, especially Noah. If he is sitting on the floor, she will plop herself on his lap. She doesn't go looking for Molly too much, as Molly is always on top of her, but that's another story.

I love watching the emergence of this new little person, but I am sad to see the baby go, sad to see my last baby go.

Edited to add: Today Hanaa grabbed a light-saber and made dueling noises and motions. Looks like I've got another little Jedi on my hands.

updates

So, I haven't written in awhile. Sure, I'm busy, but really mostly lazy I guess. Here are a few updates. Things I don't want to forget.

Noah

Has settled nicely into grade 2 after a rocky first term. He and Marc and I are reading Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events and really enjoying it. He has really come a long way in his piano playing, and plays hands-together very well. He doesn't like to sit down and parctice, but he will try out his songs every time he passes the piano (and whenever we ask him to sit down to eat!).

Molly

Molly is definitely 4. She is writing her own name and asking how to spell everything else.
Molly: "Mommy, how do you spell, " Molly A and Sophia are my friends and came to my birthday and had fun and I love them"?
Me "um . . . start with an M . . .
She has been a little hard on Hanaa since she learned to walk, but we're hoping that resolves itself soon. We have not enrolled her in any lessons this winter as last term getting her into the class (without a parent) was a complete disaster. So, we've backed off. She goes to daycare 4 days a week without us, so I figure she doesn't need to do a bunch of other things alone. She is in love with "Family Swim Night". We go swimming with some of the families from daycare on Friday evenings and then all share snacks afterward. It is a lovely time, and Molly talks about it all week. Most nights before bed she asks if tomorrow is family swim night.


Hanaa
Hanaa is becoming a toddler by leaps and bounds. She starting walking two weeks ago the day of Molly's birthday party (which has created a few issues for Molly that we are still dealing with . . . ). She waves and says bye-bye. She says hat, and thinks it's hilarious to say "hat" and point at her (hat-less) head. I guess it's funny that she's not wearing a hat. She has a name for Noah that I can't pronounce, but it clearly means Noah. She calls this word after him if he disappears up the stairs or around a corner. Super cute.

I think that will do for now. Updates on the adults can wait!

sibling stuff

Here is a typical morning exchange between Noah and Molly.

Noah: Don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT ME!

(Noah is getting dressed in the living room, but doesn't want anyone to see him naked. He also won't go to his room.)

Molly: But, you're beautiful!

Noah: DON'T LOOK AT ME WHILE I'M NAKED! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! MOLLY'S NAKED, GROSS! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

(Then, somehow they are both dressed.)

The end.

There is some sort of comment to be made here about social norms and the human body, but I haven't slept in 7 years, so I can't quite make it out.

hangman

So, I was taking some books off our bookshelf to make room for other books to make room for a piano, and I suddenly remembered Noah playing a game of Hangman with his Nana a year ago or so. She had just taught him the game and was using words from Star Wars or words that he would know how to spell. So, when it was Noah's turn to choose the word, Nana thought she would have an easy time since he couldn't spell that many words on his own. 10 minutes later though, she was still stumped. Finally she had to ask him what his word was. Noah pointed to the spine of a book on the bookcase. It was "Hamlet".

divide and conquer

I don't know what it's like at your house, but around here there are things that need to get done and there are children who need to be cared for and entertained, and these two goals are in direct competition. In English? the fewer kids you have around, the more easily you can get things done (unless of course you put your feet up and wallow in the quiet, but that's a post for another day).

So, I was particularly gleeful that I got to drive Noah to his first diving lesson today. Getting him to the pool and where he needed to be would be a snap without the girls along. It was. But as I watched Noah jump off the diving board again and again and again, listening to the coach and improving his jumps, there was no one to turn to and say, "look at him go!" or "isn't he great?". I keenly missed my husband just then.

And, did I have a camera? No, of course not. I spent my morning gathering silly items like towels and clean underwear.

conversations

Noah: Molly, do you want to help defend the Jedi temple?

Molly (putting down her little pony and grabbing a light saber): oh yeah. sure.

molly, lately

When I asked Molly to take her finger out of her nose, she promptly - and with oodles of scorn - informed me, "it's not a NOSE Mom, it's a TRUNK".

The only appropriate response? "Molly, please remove your finger from your trunk."

3 years ago tomorrow

I started this blog. I am pretty much doing the exact same thing now as I was doing then. I am on maternity leave with a 3 year old at home. On April 25, 2006, I posted this.

Now, check out this picture:


same back yard, same tricycle. The only difference is I didn't nurse the baby outside today - brrrrr too cold. Here is Hanaa in her stroller:



So, there it is. I'm not sure what this means; I'm just stating the facts.

I suppose another difference is I'm not thinking about having another baby.

Happy Birthday to my blog. Here's hoping she is less defiant than other 3 year olds.

anything i can help you with?

So, Molly and I went to Chapters today to spend an Easter gift-card from Grandma. We had a lovely time looking at toys and books and some baby stuff. A very friendly Chapters employee came to greet us and ask us if we needed help finding anything. I was in the middle of my usual, polite no-thank-you-we're-just-looking, when Molly piped in to say (very loudly), "WE DON'T NEED ANY HELP". Apparently asking a 3-year-old if she needs help is the height of rudeness!

Molly picked out a lovely game with penguins:

it's a little embarrassing, but . . .

we have gotten into the bad habit of having the TV on (YTV, Treehouse, CBC kids, PBS kids) in the morning while we eat breakfast and get ready for school or work. Not that this was ever a good idea, but it made more sense when I was working. It kept the kids busy while Marc and I rushed around and got ready for the day.

This week, we have had some very awful mornings with Noah refusing to go to school and having to practically drag him to the van. On Monday morning I left him outside his classroom lying on the floor. He was just unbelievably resistant and hostile. It happened again on Wednesday. So, I started thinking about ways to make the mornings a little better, and the TV watching just jumped out at me.

Now that I am home, we don't leave the house until 8:30 at the earliest, so if the kids are up at 7, that's an hour and a half of TV before they have even left the house. So, I decided to stop it. I explained to Noah that if we didn't watch TV, we would all have enough time to get ready without being rushed. I also promised him that I would eat breakfast with him and not go on the computer. To my complete shock, Noah agreed to this without any major objections. There were no tears or tantrums.

Today was the first day. and it went really well. We did Noah's home reading which we forgot to do last night. We talked while we had breakfast together. Wow, it felt great!

I think a lot of the time as a parent, I gave a hard time taking something away from the kids even if giving it to them was a bad idea to begin with. I think the reason this worked so well (if you can tell after one day) is that I gave up something as well, and we gave each other the attention we had previously wasted on the TV or the computer.

I'm still a little weirded out by the lack of objections. It's like taking away a chocolate brownie and offering a piece of fruit - and the kid eats the fruit. Weird.

right now

Molly is wearing bikini bottoms and a peasant blouse, sucking her thumb and singing "Farmer in the Dell" as she walks in circles on an over-sized book.

3 months

Hanaa is 3 months old today! She is a very busy girl. She hums along when I sing to her and is trying hard to roll over. I am trying to give her more opportunities to lie on the floor. It's a little dangerous with siblings running about and wrestling. And what is it with kids that they insist on standing right beside the baby's head? I digress. I think Hanaa has also started teething - my least favourite milestone. She won't be starting solids for at least 3 months - what is the hurry?

updates

the toys

I spent an entire day last week (between nursing and diaper changes) organizing the toys on the main floor. The bins needed washing and organizing. Toys were just piling up on top of the bookcase instead of being put away. I am trying to make room for a piano in my dining room. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting closer. The kids are playing with the toys a lot more now that things are organized. I am quite proud of myself!

next project: Molly's room!

I want to move her dresser into the closet so she has more room to play. And don't even get me started on the stuffed animals and dolls!

rainboots

If I were a poet, I would write a poem about the bottom of Noah's rain boots. His boots are navy blue, but the bottoms are a beautiful sunshiny yellow, and (I realize this is corny) they seem to represent the part of him that is still a little boy.

Noah is 6 and a half, and I've already started thinking of him as a seven year old. It's a little heartbreaking actually. He doesn't want me to hug or kiss him goodbye at school in case his friends see. It's all about Star Wars and Bakugan and battling and constant (I mean constant) random noises, mostly blaster and gunfire. Sigh.

But yesterday I picked him up from school by myself as Marc was home to look after the girls. It was a melty afternoon, but there was still lots of ice. As we were walking to the van, Noah was sliding on the ice and splashing in the puddles a few feet ahead of me. He was dressed all in dark colours, green jacket, black toque, navy ski pants, navy boots. The only exception was the bottom of his boots, this beautiful yellow that matched his little boy joy at splashing and sliding and falling.

4-4-4 meme

I’ve been tagged by my friend Amber at Monster Cookies
The rules are…
Go into your photo archive, pick the 4th folder in the archive, select the 4th picture in the folder, and write about it. Then tag 4 other people to do the same.

Here is my picture.



This picture was taken last summer on a visit to Marc's parents. Cousins Kayla and Cole were visiting too and Noah was thrilled to have someone to have lightsaber duels with. We drove out after work, so we thought pyjamas would be the best thing for the kids to wear. Noah was in a "no PJ tops" phase at the time, but I managed to convince him to wear a tank top at least (more comfy in a seat belt). For the record, we did manage to get his hair cut before he went back to school in the fall. He also started wearing pj tops again once the weather got cold.

Not knowing too many people with blogs, I'm not tagging anyone, but if you read this and feel like responding on Facebook - please do!

future road trips

So, I'm kind of looking forward to our first road trip since becoming "mini-van people". There is now room in the back for me to sit with the kids and help keep them happy during the trip. It also means I get to watch movies since the van has a DVD player. When I told Noah I would be able to sit in the back and watch movies with him, this was his response.

"you really could because Dad is better at driving the van than you . . . well parking it anyway."

Doesn't do a lot for my confidence!

molly-ism

Me: Molly, please take your thumb out of your mouth.

Molly: I know, it's a bad rabbit.

you know it's

the 21st century when you bribe your almost-3-year-old with computer time so that she will eat her veggies.

question of the week

Molly: Noah, are you monkey pants?

hanaa has arrived

Hanaa Lynn Baldwin was born December 29, 2008 at 3:13am.

I had originally decided not to post this, but changed my mind.

Here is the story:

I have never been one to have a detailed birth plan just because flexibility is so key in every birth. If I had written one though, it would be a whole lot like Hanaa's birth. I am still in shock at how everything just came together.

I started having some mild contractions around 10:30 pm. I decided they were in fact contractions around 11:15 and called Toni (my midwife) although I still wasn't sure they would amount to anything. Because of Molly's precipitous birth, I was under strict orders to call sooner rather than later. Toni agreed to come over and arrived around 11:35.

While we were waiting for her to arrive, Marc and I set up the birthing pool.

She listened to the baby's heartbeat, and checked me. I was 3-4 centimeters. Toni suggested I get up and walk around, and she would hang around for a few hours and see if anything developed. I made cinnamon buns and folded some laundry, then Toni and I started a game of scrabble, and sent Marc to bed for a nap.

While I was walking around, contractions were coming about every 3-4 minutes, lasting less than a minute and were not very intense, but not something I would be able to sleep through. When I sat down for scrabble, the contractions came less often. Around 1:30 am something changed. Now, quite possibly it was because Toni had just used the Q on the triple word score, but I found I couldn't concentrate on the game anymore. Toni had another listen to the baby and checked me again. I was at 6 centimeters with a bulging bag of waters. She agreed that tonight was the night, and called the second midwife (Kelly) to come. We woke up Marc and started filling the pool.

Waiting for the pool to be ready seemed to take hours, but I probably climbed in around 1:45. Kelly arrived around 2. I had Marc put on the music I had chosen. The water felt so good. I laboured for an hour while Marc sat beside the pool. Toni and Kelly retreated to the couch and visited quietly. Toni checked the baby's heartbeat every 15 or 20 minutes.

As the song "Down to the River" came on, the contractions became definitely more intense and I felt like each one opened me up just a little bit more. I started to whimper. Around 3:05, we heard the pitter patter of Noah's feet, so Marc went and put him back to bed. As he was coming back down the stairs around 3:10, I felt the baby come down and my water broke followed by an urge to push. I said something like "oh" and during this first push felt the urge to push even more so I just kept going. Toni told me to put my hands down and catch the baby. At the end of that one monumental push, her head was out, and another small push and she came swimming out. Hanaa Lynn Baldwin was born at 3:13 am.

Everyone in the room was astonished.

The only scary part of the birth was the discovery of a true knot in her cord, although it was a loose one.

Even though she was born so quickly, I didn't tear at all, which was awesome!

Hanaa weighed in at 7 pounds and 6 ounces and was 20.5 inches long (Molly's exact stats).

So, there it is. It all went according to plan. Home birth, water birth, in the middle of the night while the kids slept through (more or less).

I am still in a bit of shock. I am so grateful for this beautiful experience and think my midwives are of course the best ever!

can i hold the baby?

Molly was a month old before Noah asked to hold her. Hanaa was 4 hours old before Molly wanted to hold her (and she slept through the first three).

she gets it!

I came home from a non-stress test at the hospital today. (all is well, the baby just doesn't look like it's growing according to fundal height - I think it's just squirmy and rascally and changes positions before being measured.) Molly asked me where the baby was. I think she expected me to bring one home with me. So, I showed her my big round belly, and said the baby was still in there.

She went crazy! She did a little dance. She sang about it. She kept saying, "my baby is in mummy's tummy - my baby, my baby, my baby". Then she had to tell Marc and Noah all about it. She is going to be a great big sister if she doesn't smother the baby with too much love!

sweet Molly

Molly has decided to become a three year old. It happened sometime last week. Now, usually I'm pleased if the kids are ahead of themselves, but this, ah this could wait.

The terrible twos have never been that awful around here. Molly was downright sweet. If we told her it was Noah's turn with a toy, she would hand it right over. When we asked her to do something (pick up her socks, come to the table), she would sweetly respond: okay-ay, and rush to do whatever it was.

All of that has changed. We've hit the defiant stage. The "I want to be in charge of my life" stage. Lots of drama, lots of tears. Oh dear.

But some things have not changed. She is an extremely grateful child. If you bring her home anything, no matter how small or seemingly dull (to a child), she will say "thank you Mommy" in the sweetest little voice. I mean, she was thrilled with the new underwear I bought her (plain pink, no Dora or anything). The other day she thanked me for bringing home some milk from the grocery store. It's nice to be appreciated. I will have to think of that when she tells me she doesn't love me anymore, which should be in a month or so according to my calculations.

meant to be

I often hear people say something was meant to be, and I must admit that I am a bit of a skeptic. I think things happen, and people make the best of them, and sometimes their lives change in miraculous ways because of this, but "meant to be" - come on.

This baby is making me change my mind, just a little.

I will admit that this baby was not planned in the same way the other two were. We talked about a third. Neither of us had any strong objections, but the decision was not made consciously. This baby just sort of happened. (ooh, did I ever hate those words when we were trying and trying to conceive our first!)

At first, the timing did not seem ideal. I found out within a week of starting a new job. (on the flip side, Marc had found out he had just landed a new job with a raise, so that was good!) Between nasty boughts of nausea, I dreaded telling my new boss.

While I was dreading telling him, I realized that the timing was actually pretty good in all other aspects of my life. Noah was in school full time, Molly was potty trained and showing that she had enough spunk to survive being a middle child. And, let's face, I was not getting any younger.

I managed to get my lovely midwife back. We are planning a home birth.

So, back to the work situation. I finally told my boss (after my 20 week ultrasound). He was not thrilled. He decided to ask the woman I had replaced to come out of retirement for a year. I felt guilty about that. It turns out that she is really bored and looking for something to do. She is returning to work 4 days a week, and another woman who went on mat-leave 5 years ago is looking for more work, so she is going to pick up the extra day. AND, it looks like when I go back to work, I can go back at 80% (4 days/week).

So, I don't know. All of this may seem a little ordinary and pedestrian, but it's got me feeling like this baby is charmed or something. You know?

Edited to add: There is a deeply superstitious part of me that thinks that all this serendipity is setting me up for a big fall . . . hope not.

Edited to add also: I sure hope I used the word serendipity correctly . . .

sweet siblings

If my kids could play together like they did this morning every day, life would be so sweet.

As I was leaving for work this morning, Molly told me she wanted to play checkers with Noah. I told her to ask him to play. She went over and took his hand, and he bounded off the couch to play with her. He started showing her how to set up the board. She looked up at me with a huge grin, and said "I'm playing checkers with Noah". It was a beautiful moment.

I have to add that I love hearing the way they talk to each other. Noah talks to her like she's his age, which is really cute. Molly responds in her own inimitable fashion. Tonight at supper she asked him if his lettuce was yummy, yes or no?

noah's second symphony concert

Noah and I went to see "Beethoven Lives Upstairs" on Sunday afternoon. It was much easier to get him to this concert than the last one. I blogged about it here.

He was happy to have some one on one time with me, and happy to be headed to the concert. Great. I was a little surprised since it had nothing to do with Star Wars.

The complaints started to come out as soon as we sat down. He didn't like where we were sitting, and why hadn't I asked him before I bought the tickets. Blah blah blah. He was looking a little tired. It was the Sunday after Halloween after all, and my Mom had been in town for a quick visit.

He settled in as the music started, and about half an hour in, he was fast asleep. I just cuddled him in and smiled. He slept for maybe 10 minutes.

When we were talking about the concert at supper that night, I was surprised at how much of the dialogue he actually remembered. He was fascinated by the different ways Beethoven helped himself hear (ear trumpets, and cutting the legs of pianos, and trying different remedies including pouring cream and nuts in his ears). He is a curious boy, and he likes to learn things.

middle child

I fear that my poor little Molly is feeling the anguish of the middle child already. We haven't enrolled her in any lessons this fall since all the good ones seem to start at age 3 around here. Noah is in swimming lessons. Every Saturday morning when I get ready to take him, Molly begs to come too. She wants to go swimming too.

On Sunday, Marc's parents cancelled an afternoon visit, so we were left with a free afternoon. Despite tremendous temptation to spend the time doing some extra house cleaning, we decided to take the kids for a swim as it was miserable out, and they needed to burn a little energy. Molly was so thrilled, and kept repeating that she was coming too as if she couldn't quite believe it.

my son the gourmet

So, on Saturday morning, I decided to bake some muffins with the kids. I started getting out ingredients only to realize that I did not have enough brown sugar. I did have some muffin mix in the cupboard. So, we made those instead. Noah was not impressed with the "just add water" baking, mostly, I think because he likes to break the eggs.

The next day, the cupboard full of newly purchased groceries, I decided to try again. So, I asked Noah if he would like to help bake Zucchini muffins. He said, "yes, those are the kind I like, not those stupid water muffins" with all the disdain of a scorned Martha Stewart. Too funny.

Edited to add: of course, he is right. The zucchini muffins taste a whole lot better than the "stupid water muffins".

boo

Last night we took the kids to the annual Boo at the Zoo. There are ghosts and goblins, pirated and princesses, and fun things for the kids to do. Noah dressed as Luke Skywalker (his Yoda costume is still under construction). Molly dressed as Kermit the frog with a clown wig. Very cute.

Noah had fun defending us from the spooky characters with his light saber. Molly enjoyed the less spooky attractions. We only had one incident where there were tears because Molly wanted to go on a ride that she was not big enough to go on. Noah went on the ride and did not enjoy it at all. The funny thing is that Molly would probably have loved it.

On the way home, Noah asked if we could go again next year. I said yes, and that the Baba would be with us next Halloween. Noah has started to plan Star Wars themed costumes for all three of them for next year.

the environment

We try to do what we can to reduce our carbon footprint. Sure our compost heap could use some attention, and sometimes the TV is on when no one is watching it, but we do try.

We are a one car family. Besides not wanting the extra expense of a new car (and obvious environmental concerns), we just don't have room for another vehicle. We have one parking space behind our house, and we can't park on our street during rush hour. That said, negotiating schedules with drop off and pick up times at daycare has been a bit of a challenge. Our daycare (which we quite like) is only open from 8am until 5pm. At the moment, the schedule that works best for us is the following:

1. Lee-Ann takes the bus to work (leaves the house at 7:28am and arrives at work around 8:05am).

2. Marc drives the kids to daycare around 8:35, then walks Noah two blocks to school. (On days when Marc needs to be at work early, Noah walks with the older kids from daycare.) Then Marc takes the bus to work leaving the car at daycare.

3. Lee-Ann leaves work at 4pm and takes the bus to daycare. She picks up the car and the kids and drives home. Depending on how quickly she can get the kids into the car, they arrive home around 5 or 5:10. On nice days, I look forward to chatting with Shar (the daycare provider) and the other Moms while the kids play outside.

4. Marc takes the bus home from work arriving around 5:45 or 6pm.

So, we drive very little. The drive to daycare is about 5 minutes, yet somehow it is too far to walk especially carrying all the kids' stuff and crossing a very very busy street.

So, I was feeling good about how little we were using the car until last Saturday. Noah and I were getting in the car after his swimming lesson, and the car would not start. After a moment of panic, I remembered I had Marc's phone, so I called him and got the CAA number (which is in his wallet and not the car for some reason). I called CAA. Noah and I bought snacks at the vending machine at the pool and waited. About half an hour later, we got our boost. The CAA guy said our battery was not getting the charge it needed because - get this - we were not driving the car enough. He said we needed to drive it for a sustained half hour once a week to maintain the charge. Who knew?

So, the CAA guy told us to let the car run for half an hour before shutting it down. It was past lunchtime, so I took Noah through the McDonald's drive through. Then we sat in the running car and ate. I felt like putting a bag over my head, or at least a sign in the window explaining why we were letting the car run.

question of the week

Noah: Mommy, how do you time travel when you need to?

Me: um . . .

hidden meanings

So, I think I've written about the reasons behind melt-downs before. Noah has had so few melt-downs in the past year that I thought we were through with them. Not so.

Let me define melt-down here. Noah's usually begin when he doesn't get his way about something. The other day he was mad because I made him take the elevator with me instead of taking the stairs (we had Molly in the stroller with us!). Last night he was mad because no one was available to duel with him with light sabers. (I was bathing a very tired Molly, and Marc was doing the dishes before heading out to a hockey game.) After we'd said no to him a number of times and explained the reasons, his disappointment got more vocal and his ranting branched out to other areas. Nothing you say can make him happy at this point.

Last night, after complaining very vocally about not being able to duel with anyone, he started in on complaining about the current sleeping arrangements. He wants his old bed back, and he wants Molly to sleep in the crib. He is going to smash the bunk beds to get his way. (I told him that if he did that, he would have to pay me back for the beds since I bought them and that that would take a long time and that he would never be able save up for Star Wars Lego.) So, he was going on and on and on. By this point, I was not answering him anymore. Best to say nothing really. Then he said it. The little clue that made sense of the return of the melt-down. He said, "Lots of things have changed around here". Ah, all at once, everything is so clear. It's about a little guy adjusting to big changes in his life, going to school all day, becoming a big brother for the second time. He is also adjusting to not being the only big kid in the house since Molly is now doing lots of big girl things. Sometimes it just comes together.

learning

One of biggest mysteries about kids is why, when they are really really really looking forward to something, they behave in such a way as to make you wish you had never mentioned said event (or planned it!). Birthday parties are the worst. Noah was pretty crazy on Saturday, and was not going to be distracted with any of his usual pursuits. He was only happy when he was talking about or doing something related to the party. So, I think I am learning that surprises are more fun for adults than they are for kids.

Here is an example. If Marc were to send me flowers, out of the blue for no reason, I would be delighted, definitely more delighted than if I had to tell him which florist to call and what flowers I would like and when. Reasonable, right?

When I bring home something for Noah as a surprise, he always asks, "why did you get me this? I wish it was a _____". OK, well he doesn't always say that, and with a little prompting, he does eventually say thank you. He likes to know what's going on, and he likes to be in charge. Also reasonable. He's 6, he's not in charge of too much!

So, after putting up with some bad behaviour and a number of time outs, the solution became clear. I got Noah involved in the party preparations. We had a great time making the Death Star game board. We printed a picture of the Death Star we found online, then Noah cut it out and glued it to a piece of black poster board. Then he and I put star stickers all around it. I had planned to print out little x-wing fighters as game pieces, but Noah volunteered to draw them all. It kept him busy for a good half hour. He drew them in different colours. When he was tired of x-wings, he started drawing Naboo star fighters and pod racers. (At the party, he was so proud to pass them out to all his friends.) We found a great website with coloured masks we could print, so we did a bunch of those for decorations. Noah cut them all out, and taped them to the wall. He was so cheerful and pleasant. Lesson learned.

well and truly

Noah's sixth birthday has been well and truly celebrated. We started with a family party when my Mom was visiting the last week in August. We had Marc's parents over for a brunch of pancakes, sausages, fruit salad, cake and ice cream. My Mom and I made the cake pictured here. In case you can't tell (though I think it's perfectly obvious), it's two light sabers. There small gifts from us and from Molly. There were large gifts from the grandparents. Noah was thrilled with all the Star Wars stuff.

We decided not to have his "kid party" until a few weeks after his real birthday which was the first weekend after school started, a busy time. Of course, we couldn't let his real birthday pass unnoticed, so Marc took him to the movies, and we had cake, and he got to open his big gift from us.

The next day at school, I sent a chocolate zucchini cake for him to share with his classmates.

This past weekend, we had the all important kid party. We thought it was going to be poorly attended as some friends couldn't make it. It ended up as a lovely chaotic gathering. As you may have guessed, we had a Star Wars theme. We played "Destroy the Death Star" (pin the x-wing fighter on the death star), musical planets (to Star Wars music of course), and we had the kids run through a Jedi training obstacle course. They got so swipe at bad guys with light sabers and dodge laser beams. The kids had a hoot. Then of course, there were presents and cake - again.

So, I think we're done.

Noah is constantly amazing me with how grown up he is becoming. He asked me to pitch him some balls after work today, and he hit a fair number of them - more than I would have hit! I had no idea he could do that.

the family bed revisited

So, we're the kind of family that allows the kids to sleep in our bed if they ask or wander in in the middle of the night. The kids each has a bed that they go to sleep in, but more and more lately it seems that they find their way in to our room in the middle of the night. Sometimes this is lovely. Sometimes, I sleep better with both my little chicks in the nest (so to speak). We still have wall to wall futons in our room, so there is plenty of room, unless . . . the kids decide that they both need to sleep close to me and will complain and cry even if I move away while they are sleeping. They are little heat-seeking missiles at 3am. Crazy. They will stop at nothing to be the one beside Mommy. The complaint a couple of nights ago was that Molly farted in Noah's face as she was crawling over him to get to me. Seriously.

Now, Marc has been working on our bedroom - new floors and paint - for the last month now. We have this lovely new room, and we're thinking about buying a real bed. The futons are getting old and hard and lumpy, and we're not spring chickens anymore. I'm just hoping it all works out for little visitors in the night. More to the point, I want to be the one sleeping in the new bed with my husband, not moving to one of the kids' rooms because the bed is full.

Then, of course, we add the new baby to the mix. Crazy times. Oh well, at least I won't have to get up for work for a year.

30 is the new 20 or something

So, here I am 37 years old and having a baby. Until I was 34, I never even thought of the possibility of having one after age 35. My hair is greying. I have been a good girl and not coloured it while pregnant. I am actually fascinated by how sparkly it is and how it is progressing, but that's another story. I may dye it once the baby comes just so no one mistakes me for the grandma . . . yet another reason to nurse in public frequently!

I spent at least the last 3 years of my 20's trying to get pregnant. The first year, it was not a concerted effort. If it happened, it happened and we would welcome it. Nothing. The following two years WERE a concerted effort with a lot of charting, temperature taking, and tracking all the other fertility signs. I was pretty good at it, yet still nothing. Then there was the confusion of moving back to Winnipeg which is why we didn't seek medical help. Once in Winnipeg, I made an appointment for a physical and planned to ask to be referred to a specialist. That turned out to be my first prenatal appointment.

So, when we decided to try again, we thought we should give ourselves a few months. It was not necessary. Each of our children has been easier to conceive than the last. Life is weird. (weird good)

I'm not sure why I'm writing this - the grey hair and the belly I suppose.

baby update

So, we have settled on "Baba" as a nickname for the new baby. It started with a silly game Molly was playing at supper one night. She would point at me and say "Mommy", then point at Marc and say "Daddy, then she would point at Noah and say "Baba" and giggle like crazy. Noah laughed along the first couple of times, but soon tired of it and was yelling at Molly to say his name right. I stepped in and said that the new baby could be Baba instead.

I have since decided that Baba is short for Baby Baldwin.

I had an ultrasound on the fifth of this month. Things seems to be fine. I saw the heart beating, and the little head and belly and feet and hands. We did not get a good look at the privates however, so that is still a mystery.

I told my boss about the pregnancy on Monday. He's not thrilled, and I don't blame him. Not that he's being nasty about it, he's just not hiding the fact that my going on leave will cause problems for him. He's going to ask the woman I replaced to come out of retirement for a year. I spoke to her this week as well. She might actually do it.

I don't think I could have kept my secret much longer. At 23 weeks, I'm definitely showing.

update

Noah is feeling much better. We are on day three of the antibiotics. He has been sleeping better, and his fever is gone. So, hopefully, he will get to enjoy the rest of the summer. The tricky thing now is to get him to take his medicine for the full ten days. He really hates it. I bribed him with ice cream this morning to get him to take it. Now usually, I'm not a fan of rewarding or bribing with sweets, but Noah could really use some fattening up after barely eating for a week.

As to my sub-par parenting this week, I just feel like my intuition is off, you know? Last month I took Molly to the ER because she was very uncomfortable and squirmy and whining a lot. She had gas. And yet, it takes me a week of burning fever and no eating to call a doctor for Noah? Like I said, just off.

I seem to be taking good care of #3 so far.

confessions

It has been a hard week. Noah has been sick since last Thursday. He was in bed with a fever Friday through Monday, then decided he was well enough for Mini-U (day camp) on Tuesday. Then he was in bed again Wednesday and Thursday. I finally took him to see the doctor yesterday, and he has a raging ear infection. They also took some blood to make sure nothing else is wrong.

I have done my best to be a good parent this week, and found myself lacking.

I should never have let him go to Mini-U on Tuesday. At the very least, I should have checked on him at noon that day and taken him home. By the time I picked him up at 4 o'clock, he was absolutely grey. He was just so keen to go. He loved Mini-U last year. I think if I had kept him home one more day, he would have been fine, maybe. Sometimes the choice that makes the kid happy at the time is the wrong choice.

Even though Marc or I has been home all week with Noah, Molly has gone to daycare. It feels a little bit like we've been shuffling her out of the way. Of course, she really likes it at daycare. She gets to play with her friends and go to the park and be her happy little self. At home, she just wants to wrestle Noah who's fever has made him sensitive to touch. I find that even when she gets home, I still want to put all my energy into caring for the sick Noah. I hate it that it has taken a conscious effort to shift focus for a little while and pay some attention to Molly who is so happy and bouncy and fun.

Oh, and I've been cranky about getting up in the night to take Noah the water that he asks for like 100 times.

my other big kid

I recently posted about all the big kid things Noah is doing. Molly has moved from toddler to little girl just as quickly it seems.

She takes off her own shoes and coat and puts them away. She sings her own little songs. She can climb up the ladder to the slide holding a teddy bear in one hand. On Sunday, I watched in amazement as she climbed up the slide part for the very first time. When she's on a swing, she tries to pump her feet. She is now sleeping in her own room. We read her stories and walk away, and she's usually asleep within 5 minutes. Her speech is really coming along as well. I was a little worried since she didn't say that many words when she turned two. She's now speaking in sentences and has interesting things to say. One of her favourite phrases is "Molly's turn". And the weird thing is, she understands the concept of taking turns. If we tell her it's Noah's turn to play with something, she'll hand it over (um, most of the time).

the end

Molly is not napping anymore. She's only two and half, but she's done with naps. Not that she didn't enjoy a good snooze in the afternoon. The problem is she enjoyed
it way more than going to bed in the evening. No matter how short the nap, she would be up until 10 or 11 at night - obviously tired and a danger to herself and to others.

So, the naps are no more. Bedtime is great! By the time we get home from work and daycare, she is extremely tired. We have had to change our after work routine. It used to be that I made supper while the kids played, then after supper I would take them up and put them in the bath while Marc did the dishes. Molly is having a hard time staying awake until supper is ready, so now one of us bathes her while the other cooks. The bath revives her enough to eat, then she is ready for stories and bed. It is so nice to have her lie down and listen to stories instead of trying to grab the book and throw it at me or smother the cat with it!

We usually read 3 or 4 stories then she rolls over and falls asleep around 7pm. Pinch me! Knock on wood. I'm enjoying it a lot!

it's official

I bumped my stomach as I was closing the trunk of the car yesterday. I am officially a big pregnant lady.

Yes, faithful readers (who are not in my family or on Facebook!), it turns out there is room for one more after all. The new addition is due December 11th.

The plan this time around is to have the baby at home, possibly in the water. In fact, the presence of a birthing pool is the only way I would even consider birthing in my dining room again.

I have the same midwife who caught Molly. Marc is going to get the "precipitous birth" talk (i.e., how to catch your own baby). So far all is going well. I am past the nausea for the most part, but baby insists on regular meals and snacks. He/She is fond of sugar - watermelon, chocolate milk, ice cream - wait is that me or the baby? Anyhoo, I'm tired of this he/she business. This babe needs a nickname. Any thoughts?

Noah in the summer of 2008

So, all of a sudden, Noah's a big kid, really big. He can ride a 2-wheeler with no training wheels. He can do the monkey bars (and skip some of the rungs). He can get the water pitcher out of the fridge and pour himself a drink. He can make his own peanut butter and jam sandwich. He can swim. He can follow Lego instructions without any help. Wow.

how to get Molly to sleep without a fuss

1. Set out on a road trip around nap-time.

2. Expect her to sleep in the car for most of the 2-hour trip, but really, she will only sleep for about half an hour.

3. Take her to the beach and let her boss you around (in and out of the water, up and down the sand).

4. Go to a BBQ with loads of the grandparents lake friends. Feed her off your plate. (she eats well - cheese and veggies, pickerel, pasta salad, part of a hot dog)

5. Let her have her own piece of cake. Laugh your but off when she says she is now "happy Molly".

6. Let grandma give her more desert.

7. Let her run around after the BBQ and throw rocks in the lake.

8. Put her in her pyjamas and get in the car around 8pm.

9. She falls asleep in the car almost immediately.

10. Drive home.

11. Carry her inside while she is crying because she woke up in the car.

12. Carry her straight to bed and cover her up.

13. Leave the room.

14. Let the wonder sink in - she has gone to sleep again!

a sad working (outside the home) parent moment

So, Noah learned to ride his two-wheeler without training wheels this week. He is so happy and proud of himself. The sad part is that he learned at daycare. Both Marc and I were looking forward to running with him, and letting go, and helping him get back up. It's just one of those moments, you know?

We've been meaning to take the training wheels off ever since the snow melted this year, but never seemed to find a spare moment. We live on a busy street, and people often drive quite fast down the back alley, so it needed to be an afternoon when one of us had time to take him to the park by himself. Well, it never happened.

Marc has been taking the kids to daycare on his bike whenever the weather permits, and Noah broke a training wheel along the way on Monday. That was the day they taught him to ride at daycare. By the time I picked him up at the end of the day, he was a pro.

Somehow I don't feel any sadness that Molly was potty-trained at daycare:)

i overheard . . .

Noah talking to 2 six-year olds at daycare today. He was telling them he didn't "really" believe in Santa Claus. Hmmmmm, I thought, interesting.

When we got in the car, I asked him about it. He said he didn't believe in Santa. I asked him how the presents got into his stocking on Christmas morning. "It's just magic," he replied.

baby steps

I am starting a new job tomorrow. It is neither closer to my house, nor is it fewer hours than before. (things I have been looking for in a new job).

I am still on campus, and I still work full time.

The positive things about the new job are that I will be doing editorial work, which I enjoy, and I will not have the vacation restrictions I had before (July, August, September, December, January).

I also am getting a small raise.

So, while in some ways it feels like I have not followed my heart in this matter (I really would rather not work outside the home at all), I think this new position will be easier to combine with family life, and will ease our finances as well.

Noah and the WSO

I almost didn't take Noah to see the Symphony perform Peter and the Wolf today. I have been so excited about taking him ever since I bought the tickets. Noah knows the story. We have a lovely version with David Bowie narrating on CD. But, ever since I told Noah about it, he has resisted. It's very weird since he usually loves a chance to spend time alone with Mommy.

His two main objections were that it would be too loud and that it would be boring. Noah does not like to attend live performances in which he is not a participant.

So, about a week ago, I thought we had overcome his objections with a pair of earplugs (just in case). But the day of the concert, he was still refusing to get dressed when I went to put Molly down for her nap. When I came back downstairs, he was asleep. This was around 1 pm. The concert was set to start at 2. I woke him up around 1:25, and asked if he was sick. He just whined something incomprehensible. I then convinced him to get dressed, and we were out the door by 1:45.

We arrived at the concert hall breathless, just as the ticket takers were taking down their stations. We were directed to the 1st balcony. We tore up the stairs and found our seats. As soon as we had taken off our coats, the lights dimmed, and the concert began.

It was all worth it seeing the look on Noah's face as the orchestra played Peter's theme for the very first time.

Here is the funniest thing Noah whispered to me during the concert:


When the Wolf came out of he forest, he leaned over and said, "Rule number 1, never live beside a forest."

senses

Seeing a lamp shade through the window of a bus, through the window of a restaurant, reminded me vividly of the taste of a gin and tonic I had in a piano bar in Niagara on the lake.

birthdays

Noah is tired of waiting for his birthday to come. Today he told me he didn't want to invite anyone, he just wants the presents to come in the mail. What do you say to that?

ET

Noah was crazy excited to rent ET last weekend, so we did. Molly watched a little too, but it didn't seem to capture her attention.

Then on Monday, she came running towards me with her little finger outstretched saying "ET, ET, ET". I couldn't figure it out at first, then she grabbed my finger and pulled the tip of it to her own. I said, "ET phone home?", and she giggled like crazy.

Noah's version of a classic hymn

Swing low, swing cherry hat
Mama gonna carry me home!

I just figured this needed to be recorded. He sings it with a great deal of soul.

one thing I like about Noah

He gets so excited about what's inside the Kindersurprise egg, he will forget to eat the chocolate.

one thing I like about Molly

She would never leave chocolate uneaten.

one thing I like about Marc

he buys Kindersurprise.

weird fact about Noah

As a baby/toddler, Noah was a very picky eater (and still is), but we never had any trouble getting him to take even the most vile tasting medicine.

guilty little secret number 3

I secretly hope that if/when we do get pregnant, it's boy/girl twins.

Holy doodle

Molly is now bringing artwork home from daycare. She loves to draw. She has a lovely style all her own in which she draws lots and lots of circles and swirls. She's getting good at getting stickers off the sheet as well. She is such a little dynamo that her love for drawing comes as a huge relief. It means she will sit still for 5 minutes or so. Of course, you can't really leave the room while she has a drawing implement unless you want to find her circles and swirls all over the table, the floor, the bookcase, the potty . . . and the list goes on.

Noah's drawing is becoming more and more interesting. He likes to draw pirates and knights. He went through a very messy period for awhile where he would tell a story as he was drawing, so there were lots of squiggly lines showing where the characters had gone and what they had done, but the finished product was a little hard to decipher.

I love it when I can get the kids to sit down and draw. Not only is it a bit of a break from the active play-acting games they love, it shows a little bit of how their minds work. It also gives me something colourful to decorate my cubicle at work.

guilty little secret number 2

I look for lucrative job postings for my husband in the hopes of quitting my job.

guilty little secret number 1

The reason I volunteer to drive Noah to swimming lessons is that I get to sit in the stands for half an hour without anyone talking to me.

tiny dancer

So, our little Molly is crazy for music, and she loves to dance. I wish I had a video I could post. She has a style all her own. Last night, after her bath I brought her downstairs to watch a little something while I made lunches. Marc was still in the kitchen washing dishes and listening to music (Pavement, I think it was). Molly made a bee-line for the kitchen, and the dance party began. Noah got in on the act, and soon the kitchen was more like a mosh pit. No one got hurt, but no one seemed very sleepy after that.

Molly's favourite TV show is a new program on CBC Kids called Bo on the Go. It's sort of like Dora, but the kids are invited to move and boogie. It's pretty cute to watch. The dialogue is not fantastic. The main character is always saying things like "bo-tastic" and "wait a bo-beat".

noah-ism

Here is how the conversation went as I remember it:

Noah: when you grow another baby, it will be adopted.

Me: huh?

Marc: what does adopted mean Noah?

Noah: Having 2 Moms and 2 Dads. Me and Daddy would be the Dads, and Molly and Mommy would be the Moms.

lists

In the spirit of Sei Shōnagon's Pillow Book (and Ruth Ozeki's My Year of Meats), here is a list entitled:

Things that give a feeling of well-being and accomplishment:

Knowing how to get to work using public transit even if you don't have to.

Knowing for a certainty that you are not pregnant.

Knowing for a certainty that you are.

a day off part 2

So, Noah got his day off last week. Molly was sick, so I decided we would all stay home. Guess what the little dickens said mid-morning?

"I wish I was going to Shar's (daycare) today"

There's just no pleasing some people :)

maybe not

There may not be room for one more after all.

I'm not sure if I can provide for more than 2 children, and I don't just mean financially, although that is a part of it. I am finding it difficult to be patient with 2. I raise my voice more than I would like.

I would like to be able to go to Noah's soccer games and actually watch them instead of chasing a toddler. I want to really enjoy Molly and Noah's ages and stages.

I know that a parent's capacity to love grows with each child, but when I think of the reality of three, I think of dividing my attention.

So, that's how I feel today.

Of course, if I were to discover I was pregnant tomorrow, I would be overjoyed.

a day off

My heart broke again this morning. Noah begged me to please please please let him take a day off.

Take a day off? You'd think we were sending him to work in the mines, not to school and daycare.

Take a day off? The phrase does not belong in a 4-year-old's vocabulary.

I am so terribly sad for my Noah.

either and both

I love watching my kids play together when they are getting along. One Sunday at Grandma's, Noah was revving a fire-engine up and down the hall. Molly picked up an ambulance and followed. When I told Noah that Molly was copying him, he got the hugest smile on his face and continued the game for a good 15 minutes.

Of course when they're not getting along, I don't get to enjoy either of them.

Noah only bathes every second night, and Molly gets a bath every evening. I really look forward to this time alone with my little girl. When they are both in the tub, Noah does all of the talking and gets most of my attention. When I have Molly alone, I can play with her and give her a nice massage afterwards. I get to marvel at her beautiful baby skin instead of drying and dressing her as quickly as possible.

victim

My blog has become a victim to facebook. I'm addicted. I'm also a little paranoid. Do I have less friends than anyone else? It's kind of like high school that way . . . tee hee.

I took the bus for the first time in a month this morning. It's too cold and wet for Marc to take the kids to school and daycare in the bike-trailer. I had time to write a few things. I think it's pretty sappy, but there it is . .

Noah is my heart. There's no other way to describe it. His joys and pains live in my heart.

Molly is my sunshine. She delights in her world, and she shows it. She gives big hugs, big smiles and screams for joy.

They are so different these children of mine. Their skin, their eyes, their hair. how wondrous and marvelous.

signs of spring

Spring has finally arrived in Winnipeg. How do I know? I had my first sighting of a woman wearing a parka and sandals! tee hee. It made my day.

i'm turning into my mother?

So, we all say it ladies: I'm never going to be like my Mom.

And, then inevitably it happens, and for me at least, it turns out not to be such a bad thing.

But, I must say some things are a little weird. . .

Ways that I am turning into my mother:

1. We have the same hair cut. (mine has yet to turn completely grey)

2. I think my hair cut makes me look like a man (well, OK, I say butch . . . and that's not really a word my Mom uses!!)

3. Like my Mom, I have started wearing dangly earrings to counteract the mannish hair.

4. We got the exact same pair of fleece PJs for Christmas, and were both delighted.

5. I have become addicted to Greek Salad, although mine is a Greek/pasta salad and hers is just lettuce.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, and my lunch hour is over, so I'll end this here. It's just something I think about. Perhaps I'll add more later.

a nice email

from Marc about the kids' day:

Good pick up, so nice to see noah happy and vibrant

He and tuva got married 'not just in play time but in real life', they're going to wait a few years before they have kids

He wore his hat and mask to shar's and all the kids loved it. They were all outside so I was able to drop him off on shar's front yard while she brought them all in for lunch. Molly was happy and walking around outside, but I think she wanted a longer visit from me. She cried when I left.

things I like

With a view to creating some kind of home business, I am listing things I like or like to do:

shopping: I like shopping. I really do. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it. Not sure exactly why, something about being materialistic possibly? Anyhow, what I like best is bargain hunting.

baking: I like to bake though I'm not really the best at it. Given some time and some recipes, I think I could get good at it.

books: pretty evident from my career choices so far: library, bookstore, editor. . . I especially love children's books and have always loved them even before I had kids. I think of this love of children's literature as a common link between all my siblings. My Mom made sure there were lots of good books around and took us to the library regularly.

home-made things: I'm not a sewer, a knitter, a quilter, but I appreciate these things. I'm going to learn.

music: I haven't played my guitar in a long long time.

So, it looks like I should run a cafe-bookstore where I can play guitar for the customers. hmmm.

edited to add: my hubbie and kids are not on this list because I thought that went without saying. I'm adding this in case anyone (Marc!) thinks it's not.

I pretended . . .

I was a stay-at-home Mom today. It felt good.

I took the day off to take Molly to the doctor and because the kids' daycare is closed for Spring Break.

So, the kids and I played here in the morning. Molly had a short nap - which is very rare these days. Then we got our Spring jackets on and headed out to the doctor's office. Molly is doing great. 21.5 pounds. Apparently she's tall and thin for her age, although looking at her arms and thighs and belly, she's really pleasantly plump.

After Molly's appointment, we dropped in on Marc at work. Noah drew some pictures with highlighters. Then we drove home by way of the Tim Horton's drive through. mmmmm coffee!

After lunch, we watched Baby Shakespeare, then Molly went down for a nap. She's still napping . . . 2 hours later. During this nice long nap, Noah and I made Rice Crispy squares. Now Noah is painting at his easel. I'm well . . .typing.

What a great day.

updates

I think about things to blog all the time, but never seem to get a chance to do more than read (not reply to!) my email these days . Quick updates:

After months of teasing us with little steps and perfect balance, Molly has finally decided to walk. She is very pleased with herself. I think she was waiting until we had a birthday party for her, which we did on February 16th. We waited a couple of weeks since my Mom was coming to visit. It was a small party, just my Mom and Marc's parents and Marc and Noah and I of course. Molly loved her cake, and really seemed to enjoy the strawberries. She's had strawberries a few more times since and has broken out in a rash, so I think she may have an allergy. We'll wait a month or two before trying them again. (she really gobbles them down!)

Noah is showing some interest in learning how to read. He has started some preliminary sounding out. I sometimes think he hasn't learned yet because he thinks we won't read to him anymore once he does. He's not a fan of playing by himself. Noah loves playing Trouble these days. He loves popping the bubble to roll the dice and moving his little pegs around the board. It should be interesting the first time he plays with a friend instead of an adult. Heaven forbid the friend wants to be green (Noah's favourite colour)!

Marc and I are exhausted. Working and parenting full time is wearing us down. Our household runs so much more smoothly with me at home.

superhero names

I'm sure most 4-year-olds have their own superhero names, but Noah has given us all alter-egos. Here they are:

Noah is Captain Noah Boy
Molly is Little Star
Marc is Super Daddy
I am 2-Star Lightning (those happened to be the the stickers I was wearing at the time.

there is no white picket fence

This is my mantra these days. I read it in a Chatelaine article, and it just really seems to fit. The white picket fence is that ideal world where I would get to stay home with the kids. It remains a goal. It's not possible at the moment, but I still want it. Because that's the way it is, it is also helpful to remember that the white picket fence world is not a panacea. Being a stay-at-home Mom is hard work, especially with more than one child.

Weeks 2 and 3 at work have been hard. Week 2 was especially weird. I was convinced that my boss and co-workers didn't want me back. I have a feeling I was projecting.

Here's what I need to do:

I need to commit to being at work for 6 months. I should renew relationships with my co-workers. I should take advantage of the opportunities available to me because I have to be there. I have an entire hour for lunch. These past 3 weeks, I have spent most of it wandering aimlessly through the bookstore or reading magazines. I am going to join the gym at work and work out at noon. I think some exercise will improve my outlook and hopefully melt some of that Christmas weight!

Since I don't seem to find the time to blog a whole lot, and I think some memories and thoughts are being lost, I should take a break from the Sudoku puzzles and journal on my bus rides every now and then.

I should take a look at what I want to be when the kids are a little older. I mean, the most important thing to me is being a Mom, and everything else should take a backseat, but there should be other stuff too. When I take time for me, I don't want it to always be about physical stuff (getting a haircut, working out). I need to take some time for creative and spiritual pursuits.

funny Noah moment

Another one for the baby book:

Noah was saying grace before supper and making silly noises while doing it. I don't like to encourage that particular kind of silliness, so I finished grace for him. Noah's response: Mommy, that was MY line!". I have had him pegged for an actor for a long time. This confirms my suspicions.

the first week

Well, I've been back to work for a week now. Our little household seems to be doing OK. The first day was pretty hard. I think I looked like a deer caught in the headlights all day. I nodded and smiled a lot. It was pretty surreal. People would tell me things about work, and I would think, "is this supposed to matter to me now?".

The rest of the week was a little easier, and my brain seemed to kick in and remember how to process all that information. I could carry on conversations at normal speed. I didn't feel like I was walking through water, sluggish and slow. I couldn't help but notice that my replacement worked more overtime than I ever will. Perhaps I'm being a little paranoid, but I'm wondering if they really want me back. To be fair of course, I don't really want to be back . . .

I am feeling like a bit of an outsider. I go for lunch alone, and that's what I've always done, but I think after a year of constant company, I am feeling that more. It's a lonely way to spend the day.

I am also not actually back at my desk. For the time being, my replacement is occupying that space so she can retrain me to do my job and finish the work she started for this academic term. I have to refrain from plastering the space with Noah's artwork and pictures of Marc and the kids. It's unsettling. And maybe that's a good thing. Earlier in this blog, I had resolved to try and find a way to stay home after 6 months of work. If I get too comfortable, I may not leave.

The kids are doing well at daycare. Noah has made a good friend in a 5 year old boy (the grandson of the daycare lady - Shar). Molly is eating and sleeping well there, and enjoying playing with all the kids. Shar sends me little notes home about what the kids did and how they're settling in.

Marc is doing all the dropping off and picking up. I think this is what's keeping me sane. I say goodbye to the kids at home, and go catch the bus. Marc is going to start working at home in the mornings so that he doesn't have to drive as much. I like that he gets to see the kids during the day. Marc is also getting to know other parents from Noah's class. These were the kind of connections I didn't want to lose going back to work. I've been driving myself crazy thinking about how to make my own schedule more flexible and family friendly. Now I realize it's Marc's turn . . . for now.

celebrations

Yesterday was the last day of my maternity leave (today and Sunday don't count as I don't work weekends). coincidentally, it was also Marc's birthday. now, usually we are all tired of celebrations by the time his birthday comes along (Marc and i are both introverts, so holiday gatherings while delightful are also quite draining), and most of us have a cold we caught over the holidays. So, we don't usually do too much more celebrating for Marc's birthday. This year, however, we returned from our travels on New Years Eve, and were relatively healthy and well rested by the fifth. So, the kids and I spent yesterday preparing a little party.

Noah, Molly and I went shopping for Daddy's present at Zellers in the morning. The kids both sat in the cart, so there were no tantrums about the toy aisle, and the kids entertained each other. Noah was feeding Molly Cheerios. It was super cute. I even picked up a few things that were not on the list while they weren't looking. (Generally, disaster ensues if we don't stick to our original - short - plan.) Noah picked out some Lego that he and Marc could build together. (Of course he wanted to take it out of the package before Marc got home, but that's another story.)

Molly napped in the early afternoon, so Noah and I played Larry Boy games. When she woke up, we headed outside for some fun in the snow. We even went for a short walk with both kids in the sled.

When we came back in, it was time to start making the birthday dinner:salsa chicken, oven fries and salad. (Noah is not a fan of too many veggies - except animated ones that tell Bible stories - but he likes Romaine lettuce.) When faced with the choice of berry-short-birthday-cake and whipped cream or birthday chocolate pudding, Noah picked pudding. While everything was cooking, we decorated for the party. I blew up a dozen balloons, and spread the Sesame Street tablecloth. We had planned to hang the balloons, but ran out of time. (I decided to change a poopy baby instead.) The balloons stayed on the table, and we nestled our plates among them.

When Marc came home, he was greeted by Noah, party hats in hand. He opened his presents, and he and Noah got to work on the Lego while I finished the salad. We had a lovely dinner, and then spent a few minutes playing together in the living room before it was time for tubbies and bed.

It was just the four of us. We didn't invite anyone else, and it was a lovely way to end my maternity leave.

daycare visit

Well, I guess my return to work is actually happening. Noah, Molly and I visited their daycare today. It turns out that they will be attending the same home daycare as Kate is not going to be able to take Noah after all. She's finding the transition to 3 kids a lot more stressful than she thought it would be, and then you throw in some PPD, and it's not good. She says she's grateful that I am being so understanding. I suppose I am, but letting Kate take care of herself and her family is also the better thing for Noah as well. You know?

Having both kids at Shar's daycare means that Marc will be dropping them off and picking them up. It's been a little dream of mine to take the bus to work in the mornings . . .getting a chance to read a book and drink a coffee. We'll see how that dream works out after a few weeks in a bus full of University students! I think that Molly may have an easier time if Marc drops her off than if I were to do it. I hope that's the case.

Back to the actual visit:

I think Molly will be just fine. She was smiling and talking to Shar, and letting her hold her for music circle. Of course, part of me is very happy about this. The other part of me was just about in tears seeing someone else hold my baby, and knowing she will get to hold my baby while I am at work.

Noah, I am not so sure. I'm not sure their personalities are a good fit. Here is an example: Noah was writing his name on her white board. He was taking his time, deciding on the colours and where to put his name. For some reason, he was having some trouble. He can usually write his name in the blink of an eye. At some point, Shar broke in and took his hand to show him how to do it properly. He was not pleased. Noah does not like to be taught how to do things unless he asks for help. My hope is that as she gets to know him, she will be able to relate to him a little better. My fear is that because she will expect Noah to conform to the way things are done there without making any concessions to his personality. I know that he will have to learn her rules. I have no problem with that. I just think things will go better if she listens to what he has to say. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive and over thinking this. I just read Raising Your Spirited Child and a lot of it seemed to fit Noah. Knowing that perhaps he needs a little more help or a little more adjustment time than a lot of kids makes me nervous.