hanaa has arrived

Hanaa Lynn Baldwin was born December 29, 2008 at 3:13am.

I had originally decided not to post this, but changed my mind.

Here is the story:

I have never been one to have a detailed birth plan just because flexibility is so key in every birth. If I had written one though, it would be a whole lot like Hanaa's birth. I am still in shock at how everything just came together.

I started having some mild contractions around 10:30 pm. I decided they were in fact contractions around 11:15 and called Toni (my midwife) although I still wasn't sure they would amount to anything. Because of Molly's precipitous birth, I was under strict orders to call sooner rather than later. Toni agreed to come over and arrived around 11:35.

While we were waiting for her to arrive, Marc and I set up the birthing pool.

She listened to the baby's heartbeat, and checked me. I was 3-4 centimeters. Toni suggested I get up and walk around, and she would hang around for a few hours and see if anything developed. I made cinnamon buns and folded some laundry, then Toni and I started a game of scrabble, and sent Marc to bed for a nap.

While I was walking around, contractions were coming about every 3-4 minutes, lasting less than a minute and were not very intense, but not something I would be able to sleep through. When I sat down for scrabble, the contractions came less often. Around 1:30 am something changed. Now, quite possibly it was because Toni had just used the Q on the triple word score, but I found I couldn't concentrate on the game anymore. Toni had another listen to the baby and checked me again. I was at 6 centimeters with a bulging bag of waters. She agreed that tonight was the night, and called the second midwife (Kelly) to come. We woke up Marc and started filling the pool.

Waiting for the pool to be ready seemed to take hours, but I probably climbed in around 1:45. Kelly arrived around 2. I had Marc put on the music I had chosen. The water felt so good. I laboured for an hour while Marc sat beside the pool. Toni and Kelly retreated to the couch and visited quietly. Toni checked the baby's heartbeat every 15 or 20 minutes.

As the song "Down to the River" came on, the contractions became definitely more intense and I felt like each one opened me up just a little bit more. I started to whimper. Around 3:05, we heard the pitter patter of Noah's feet, so Marc went and put him back to bed. As he was coming back down the stairs around 3:10, I felt the baby come down and my water broke followed by an urge to push. I said something like "oh" and during this first push felt the urge to push even more so I just kept going. Toni told me to put my hands down and catch the baby. At the end of that one monumental push, her head was out, and another small push and she came swimming out. Hanaa Lynn Baldwin was born at 3:13 am.

Everyone in the room was astonished.

The only scary part of the birth was the discovery of a true knot in her cord, although it was a loose one.

Even though she was born so quickly, I didn't tear at all, which was awesome!

Hanaa weighed in at 7 pounds and 6 ounces and was 20.5 inches long (Molly's exact stats).

So, there it is. It all went according to plan. Home birth, water birth, in the middle of the night while the kids slept through (more or less).

I am still in a bit of shock. I am so grateful for this beautiful experience and think my midwives are of course the best ever!

can i hold the baby?

Molly was a month old before Noah asked to hold her. Hanaa was 4 hours old before Molly wanted to hold her (and she slept through the first three).

she gets it!

I came home from a non-stress test at the hospital today. (all is well, the baby just doesn't look like it's growing according to fundal height - I think it's just squirmy and rascally and changes positions before being measured.) Molly asked me where the baby was. I think she expected me to bring one home with me. So, I showed her my big round belly, and said the baby was still in there.

She went crazy! She did a little dance. She sang about it. She kept saying, "my baby is in mummy's tummy - my baby, my baby, my baby". Then she had to tell Marc and Noah all about it. She is going to be a great big sister if she doesn't smother the baby with too much love!

sweet Molly

Molly has decided to become a three year old. It happened sometime last week. Now, usually I'm pleased if the kids are ahead of themselves, but this, ah this could wait.

The terrible twos have never been that awful around here. Molly was downright sweet. If we told her it was Noah's turn with a toy, she would hand it right over. When we asked her to do something (pick up her socks, come to the table), she would sweetly respond: okay-ay, and rush to do whatever it was.

All of that has changed. We've hit the defiant stage. The "I want to be in charge of my life" stage. Lots of drama, lots of tears. Oh dear.

But some things have not changed. She is an extremely grateful child. If you bring her home anything, no matter how small or seemingly dull (to a child), she will say "thank you Mommy" in the sweetest little voice. I mean, she was thrilled with the new underwear I bought her (plain pink, no Dora or anything). The other day she thanked me for bringing home some milk from the grocery store. It's nice to be appreciated. I will have to think of that when she tells me she doesn't love me anymore, which should be in a month or so according to my calculations.

meant to be

I often hear people say something was meant to be, and I must admit that I am a bit of a skeptic. I think things happen, and people make the best of them, and sometimes their lives change in miraculous ways because of this, but "meant to be" - come on.

This baby is making me change my mind, just a little.

I will admit that this baby was not planned in the same way the other two were. We talked about a third. Neither of us had any strong objections, but the decision was not made consciously. This baby just sort of happened. (ooh, did I ever hate those words when we were trying and trying to conceive our first!)

At first, the timing did not seem ideal. I found out within a week of starting a new job. (on the flip side, Marc had found out he had just landed a new job with a raise, so that was good!) Between nasty boughts of nausea, I dreaded telling my new boss.

While I was dreading telling him, I realized that the timing was actually pretty good in all other aspects of my life. Noah was in school full time, Molly was potty trained and showing that she had enough spunk to survive being a middle child. And, let's face, I was not getting any younger.

I managed to get my lovely midwife back. We are planning a home birth.

So, back to the work situation. I finally told my boss (after my 20 week ultrasound). He was not thrilled. He decided to ask the woman I had replaced to come out of retirement for a year. I felt guilty about that. It turns out that she is really bored and looking for something to do. She is returning to work 4 days a week, and another woman who went on mat-leave 5 years ago is looking for more work, so she is going to pick up the extra day. AND, it looks like when I go back to work, I can go back at 80% (4 days/week).

So, I don't know. All of this may seem a little ordinary and pedestrian, but it's got me feeling like this baby is charmed or something. You know?

Edited to add: There is a deeply superstitious part of me that thinks that all this serendipity is setting me up for a big fall . . . hope not.

Edited to add also: I sure hope I used the word serendipity correctly . . .

sweet siblings

If my kids could play together like they did this morning every day, life would be so sweet.

As I was leaving for work this morning, Molly told me she wanted to play checkers with Noah. I told her to ask him to play. She went over and took his hand, and he bounded off the couch to play with her. He started showing her how to set up the board. She looked up at me with a huge grin, and said "I'm playing checkers with Noah". It was a beautiful moment.

I have to add that I love hearing the way they talk to each other. Noah talks to her like she's his age, which is really cute. Molly responds in her own inimitable fashion. Tonight at supper she asked him if his lettuce was yummy, yes or no?

noah's second symphony concert

Noah and I went to see "Beethoven Lives Upstairs" on Sunday afternoon. It was much easier to get him to this concert than the last one. I blogged about it here.

He was happy to have some one on one time with me, and happy to be headed to the concert. Great. I was a little surprised since it had nothing to do with Star Wars.

The complaints started to come out as soon as we sat down. He didn't like where we were sitting, and why hadn't I asked him before I bought the tickets. Blah blah blah. He was looking a little tired. It was the Sunday after Halloween after all, and my Mom had been in town for a quick visit.

He settled in as the music started, and about half an hour in, he was fast asleep. I just cuddled him in and smiled. He slept for maybe 10 minutes.

When we were talking about the concert at supper that night, I was surprised at how much of the dialogue he actually remembered. He was fascinated by the different ways Beethoven helped himself hear (ear trumpets, and cutting the legs of pianos, and trying different remedies including pouring cream and nuts in his ears). He is a curious boy, and he likes to learn things.

middle child

I fear that my poor little Molly is feeling the anguish of the middle child already. We haven't enrolled her in any lessons this fall since all the good ones seem to start at age 3 around here. Noah is in swimming lessons. Every Saturday morning when I get ready to take him, Molly begs to come too. She wants to go swimming too.

On Sunday, Marc's parents cancelled an afternoon visit, so we were left with a free afternoon. Despite tremendous temptation to spend the time doing some extra house cleaning, we decided to take the kids for a swim as it was miserable out, and they needed to burn a little energy. Molly was so thrilled, and kept repeating that she was coming too as if she couldn't quite believe it.

my son the gourmet

So, on Saturday morning, I decided to bake some muffins with the kids. I started getting out ingredients only to realize that I did not have enough brown sugar. I did have some muffin mix in the cupboard. So, we made those instead. Noah was not impressed with the "just add water" baking, mostly, I think because he likes to break the eggs.

The next day, the cupboard full of newly purchased groceries, I decided to try again. So, I asked Noah if he would like to help bake Zucchini muffins. He said, "yes, those are the kind I like, not those stupid water muffins" with all the disdain of a scorned Martha Stewart. Too funny.

Edited to add: of course, he is right. The zucchini muffins taste a whole lot better than the "stupid water muffins".

boo

Last night we took the kids to the annual Boo at the Zoo. There are ghosts and goblins, pirated and princesses, and fun things for the kids to do. Noah dressed as Luke Skywalker (his Yoda costume is still under construction). Molly dressed as Kermit the frog with a clown wig. Very cute.

Noah had fun defending us from the spooky characters with his light saber. Molly enjoyed the less spooky attractions. We only had one incident where there were tears because Molly wanted to go on a ride that she was not big enough to go on. Noah went on the ride and did not enjoy it at all. The funny thing is that Molly would probably have loved it.

On the way home, Noah asked if we could go again next year. I said yes, and that the Baba would be with us next Halloween. Noah has started to plan Star Wars themed costumes for all three of them for next year.

the environment

We try to do what we can to reduce our carbon footprint. Sure our compost heap could use some attention, and sometimes the TV is on when no one is watching it, but we do try.

We are a one car family. Besides not wanting the extra expense of a new car (and obvious environmental concerns), we just don't have room for another vehicle. We have one parking space behind our house, and we can't park on our street during rush hour. That said, negotiating schedules with drop off and pick up times at daycare has been a bit of a challenge. Our daycare (which we quite like) is only open from 8am until 5pm. At the moment, the schedule that works best for us is the following:

1. Lee-Ann takes the bus to work (leaves the house at 7:28am and arrives at work around 8:05am).

2. Marc drives the kids to daycare around 8:35, then walks Noah two blocks to school. (On days when Marc needs to be at work early, Noah walks with the older kids from daycare.) Then Marc takes the bus to work leaving the car at daycare.

3. Lee-Ann leaves work at 4pm and takes the bus to daycare. She picks up the car and the kids and drives home. Depending on how quickly she can get the kids into the car, they arrive home around 5 or 5:10. On nice days, I look forward to chatting with Shar (the daycare provider) and the other Moms while the kids play outside.

4. Marc takes the bus home from work arriving around 5:45 or 6pm.

So, we drive very little. The drive to daycare is about 5 minutes, yet somehow it is too far to walk especially carrying all the kids' stuff and crossing a very very busy street.

So, I was feeling good about how little we were using the car until last Saturday. Noah and I were getting in the car after his swimming lesson, and the car would not start. After a moment of panic, I remembered I had Marc's phone, so I called him and got the CAA number (which is in his wallet and not the car for some reason). I called CAA. Noah and I bought snacks at the vending machine at the pool and waited. About half an hour later, we got our boost. The CAA guy said our battery was not getting the charge it needed because - get this - we were not driving the car enough. He said we needed to drive it for a sustained half hour once a week to maintain the charge. Who knew?

So, the CAA guy told us to let the car run for half an hour before shutting it down. It was past lunchtime, so I took Noah through the McDonald's drive through. Then we sat in the running car and ate. I felt like putting a bag over my head, or at least a sign in the window explaining why we were letting the car run.

question of the week

Noah: Mommy, how do you time travel when you need to?

Me: um . . .

hidden meanings

So, I think I've written about the reasons behind melt-downs before. Noah has had so few melt-downs in the past year that I thought we were through with them. Not so.

Let me define melt-down here. Noah's usually begin when he doesn't get his way about something. The other day he was mad because I made him take the elevator with me instead of taking the stairs (we had Molly in the stroller with us!). Last night he was mad because no one was available to duel with him with light sabers. (I was bathing a very tired Molly, and Marc was doing the dishes before heading out to a hockey game.) After we'd said no to him a number of times and explained the reasons, his disappointment got more vocal and his ranting branched out to other areas. Nothing you say can make him happy at this point.

Last night, after complaining very vocally about not being able to duel with anyone, he started in on complaining about the current sleeping arrangements. He wants his old bed back, and he wants Molly to sleep in the crib. He is going to smash the bunk beds to get his way. (I told him that if he did that, he would have to pay me back for the beds since I bought them and that that would take a long time and that he would never be able save up for Star Wars Lego.) So, he was going on and on and on. By this point, I was not answering him anymore. Best to say nothing really. Then he said it. The little clue that made sense of the return of the melt-down. He said, "Lots of things have changed around here". Ah, all at once, everything is so clear. It's about a little guy adjusting to big changes in his life, going to school all day, becoming a big brother for the second time. He is also adjusting to not being the only big kid in the house since Molly is now doing lots of big girl things. Sometimes it just comes together.

learning

One of biggest mysteries about kids is why, when they are really really really looking forward to something, they behave in such a way as to make you wish you had never mentioned said event (or planned it!). Birthday parties are the worst. Noah was pretty crazy on Saturday, and was not going to be distracted with any of his usual pursuits. He was only happy when he was talking about or doing something related to the party. So, I think I am learning that surprises are more fun for adults than they are for kids.

Here is an example. If Marc were to send me flowers, out of the blue for no reason, I would be delighted, definitely more delighted than if I had to tell him which florist to call and what flowers I would like and when. Reasonable, right?

When I bring home something for Noah as a surprise, he always asks, "why did you get me this? I wish it was a _____". OK, well he doesn't always say that, and with a little prompting, he does eventually say thank you. He likes to know what's going on, and he likes to be in charge. Also reasonable. He's 6, he's not in charge of too much!

So, after putting up with some bad behaviour and a number of time outs, the solution became clear. I got Noah involved in the party preparations. We had a great time making the Death Star game board. We printed a picture of the Death Star we found online, then Noah cut it out and glued it to a piece of black poster board. Then he and I put star stickers all around it. I had planned to print out little x-wing fighters as game pieces, but Noah volunteered to draw them all. It kept him busy for a good half hour. He drew them in different colours. When he was tired of x-wings, he started drawing Naboo star fighters and pod racers. (At the party, he was so proud to pass them out to all his friends.) We found a great website with coloured masks we could print, so we did a bunch of those for decorations. Noah cut them all out, and taped them to the wall. He was so cheerful and pleasant. Lesson learned.

well and truly

Noah's sixth birthday has been well and truly celebrated. We started with a family party when my Mom was visiting the last week in August. We had Marc's parents over for a brunch of pancakes, sausages, fruit salad, cake and ice cream. My Mom and I made the cake pictured here. In case you can't tell (though I think it's perfectly obvious), it's two light sabers. There small gifts from us and from Molly. There were large gifts from the grandparents. Noah was thrilled with all the Star Wars stuff.

We decided not to have his "kid party" until a few weeks after his real birthday which was the first weekend after school started, a busy time. Of course, we couldn't let his real birthday pass unnoticed, so Marc took him to the movies, and we had cake, and he got to open his big gift from us.

The next day at school, I sent a chocolate zucchini cake for him to share with his classmates.

This past weekend, we had the all important kid party. We thought it was going to be poorly attended as some friends couldn't make it. It ended up as a lovely chaotic gathering. As you may have guessed, we had a Star Wars theme. We played "Destroy the Death Star" (pin the x-wing fighter on the death star), musical planets (to Star Wars music of course), and we had the kids run through a Jedi training obstacle course. They got so swipe at bad guys with light sabers and dodge laser beams. The kids had a hoot. Then of course, there were presents and cake - again.

So, I think we're done.

Noah is constantly amazing me with how grown up he is becoming. He asked me to pitch him some balls after work today, and he hit a fair number of them - more than I would have hit! I had no idea he could do that.

the family bed revisited

So, we're the kind of family that allows the kids to sleep in our bed if they ask or wander in in the middle of the night. The kids each has a bed that they go to sleep in, but more and more lately it seems that they find their way in to our room in the middle of the night. Sometimes this is lovely. Sometimes, I sleep better with both my little chicks in the nest (so to speak). We still have wall to wall futons in our room, so there is plenty of room, unless . . . the kids decide that they both need to sleep close to me and will complain and cry even if I move away while they are sleeping. They are little heat-seeking missiles at 3am. Crazy. They will stop at nothing to be the one beside Mommy. The complaint a couple of nights ago was that Molly farted in Noah's face as she was crawling over him to get to me. Seriously.

Now, Marc has been working on our bedroom - new floors and paint - for the last month now. We have this lovely new room, and we're thinking about buying a real bed. The futons are getting old and hard and lumpy, and we're not spring chickens anymore. I'm just hoping it all works out for little visitors in the night. More to the point, I want to be the one sleeping in the new bed with my husband, not moving to one of the kids' rooms because the bed is full.

Then, of course, we add the new baby to the mix. Crazy times. Oh well, at least I won't have to get up for work for a year.

30 is the new 20 or something

So, here I am 37 years old and having a baby. Until I was 34, I never even thought of the possibility of having one after age 35. My hair is greying. I have been a good girl and not coloured it while pregnant. I am actually fascinated by how sparkly it is and how it is progressing, but that's another story. I may dye it once the baby comes just so no one mistakes me for the grandma . . . yet another reason to nurse in public frequently!

I spent at least the last 3 years of my 20's trying to get pregnant. The first year, it was not a concerted effort. If it happened, it happened and we would welcome it. Nothing. The following two years WERE a concerted effort with a lot of charting, temperature taking, and tracking all the other fertility signs. I was pretty good at it, yet still nothing. Then there was the confusion of moving back to Winnipeg which is why we didn't seek medical help. Once in Winnipeg, I made an appointment for a physical and planned to ask to be referred to a specialist. That turned out to be my first prenatal appointment.

So, when we decided to try again, we thought we should give ourselves a few months. It was not necessary. Each of our children has been easier to conceive than the last. Life is weird. (weird good)

I'm not sure why I'm writing this - the grey hair and the belly I suppose.

baby update

So, we have settled on "Baba" as a nickname for the new baby. It started with a silly game Molly was playing at supper one night. She would point at me and say "Mommy", then point at Marc and say "Daddy, then she would point at Noah and say "Baba" and giggle like crazy. Noah laughed along the first couple of times, but soon tired of it and was yelling at Molly to say his name right. I stepped in and said that the new baby could be Baba instead.

I have since decided that Baba is short for Baby Baldwin.

I had an ultrasound on the fifth of this month. Things seems to be fine. I saw the heart beating, and the little head and belly and feet and hands. We did not get a good look at the privates however, so that is still a mystery.

I told my boss about the pregnancy on Monday. He's not thrilled, and I don't blame him. Not that he's being nasty about it, he's just not hiding the fact that my going on leave will cause problems for him. He's going to ask the woman I replaced to come out of retirement for a year. I spoke to her this week as well. She might actually do it.

I don't think I could have kept my secret much longer. At 23 weeks, I'm definitely showing.

update

Noah is feeling much better. We are on day three of the antibiotics. He has been sleeping better, and his fever is gone. So, hopefully, he will get to enjoy the rest of the summer. The tricky thing now is to get him to take his medicine for the full ten days. He really hates it. I bribed him with ice cream this morning to get him to take it. Now usually, I'm not a fan of rewarding or bribing with sweets, but Noah could really use some fattening up after barely eating for a week.

As to my sub-par parenting this week, I just feel like my intuition is off, you know? Last month I took Molly to the ER because she was very uncomfortable and squirmy and whining a lot. She had gas. And yet, it takes me a week of burning fever and no eating to call a doctor for Noah? Like I said, just off.

I seem to be taking good care of #3 so far.

confessions

It has been a hard week. Noah has been sick since last Thursday. He was in bed with a fever Friday through Monday, then decided he was well enough for Mini-U (day camp) on Tuesday. Then he was in bed again Wednesday and Thursday. I finally took him to see the doctor yesterday, and he has a raging ear infection. They also took some blood to make sure nothing else is wrong.

I have done my best to be a good parent this week, and found myself lacking.

I should never have let him go to Mini-U on Tuesday. At the very least, I should have checked on him at noon that day and taken him home. By the time I picked him up at 4 o'clock, he was absolutely grey. He was just so keen to go. He loved Mini-U last year. I think if I had kept him home one more day, he would have been fine, maybe. Sometimes the choice that makes the kid happy at the time is the wrong choice.

Even though Marc or I has been home all week with Noah, Molly has gone to daycare. It feels a little bit like we've been shuffling her out of the way. Of course, she really likes it at daycare. She gets to play with her friends and go to the park and be her happy little self. At home, she just wants to wrestle Noah who's fever has made him sensitive to touch. I find that even when she gets home, I still want to put all my energy into caring for the sick Noah. I hate it that it has taken a conscious effort to shift focus for a little while and pay some attention to Molly who is so happy and bouncy and fun.

Oh, and I've been cranky about getting up in the night to take Noah the water that he asks for like 100 times.

my other big kid

I recently posted about all the big kid things Noah is doing. Molly has moved from toddler to little girl just as quickly it seems.

She takes off her own shoes and coat and puts them away. She sings her own little songs. She can climb up the ladder to the slide holding a teddy bear in one hand. On Sunday, I watched in amazement as she climbed up the slide part for the very first time. When she's on a swing, she tries to pump her feet. She is now sleeping in her own room. We read her stories and walk away, and she's usually asleep within 5 minutes. Her speech is really coming along as well. I was a little worried since she didn't say that many words when she turned two. She's now speaking in sentences and has interesting things to say. One of her favourite phrases is "Molly's turn". And the weird thing is, she understands the concept of taking turns. If we tell her it's Noah's turn to play with something, she'll hand it over (um, most of the time).

the end

Molly is not napping anymore. She's only two and half, but she's done with naps. Not that she didn't enjoy a good snooze in the afternoon. The problem is she enjoyed
it way more than going to bed in the evening. No matter how short the nap, she would be up until 10 or 11 at night - obviously tired and a danger to herself and to others.

So, the naps are no more. Bedtime is great! By the time we get home from work and daycare, she is extremely tired. We have had to change our after work routine. It used to be that I made supper while the kids played, then after supper I would take them up and put them in the bath while Marc did the dishes. Molly is having a hard time staying awake until supper is ready, so now one of us bathes her while the other cooks. The bath revives her enough to eat, then she is ready for stories and bed. It is so nice to have her lie down and listen to stories instead of trying to grab the book and throw it at me or smother the cat with it!

We usually read 3 or 4 stories then she rolls over and falls asleep around 7pm. Pinch me! Knock on wood. I'm enjoying it a lot!

it's official

I bumped my stomach as I was closing the trunk of the car yesterday. I am officially a big pregnant lady.

Yes, faithful readers (who are not in my family or on Facebook!), it turns out there is room for one more after all. The new addition is due December 11th.

The plan this time around is to have the baby at home, possibly in the water. In fact, the presence of a birthing pool is the only way I would even consider birthing in my dining room again.

I have the same midwife who caught Molly. Marc is going to get the "precipitous birth" talk (i.e., how to catch your own baby). So far all is going well. I am past the nausea for the most part, but baby insists on regular meals and snacks. He/She is fond of sugar - watermelon, chocolate milk, ice cream - wait is that me or the baby? Anyhoo, I'm tired of this he/she business. This babe needs a nickname. Any thoughts?

Noah in the summer of 2008

So, all of a sudden, Noah's a big kid, really big. He can ride a 2-wheeler with no training wheels. He can do the monkey bars (and skip some of the rungs). He can get the water pitcher out of the fridge and pour himself a drink. He can make his own peanut butter and jam sandwich. He can swim. He can follow Lego instructions without any help. Wow.

how to get Molly to sleep without a fuss

1. Set out on a road trip around nap-time.

2. Expect her to sleep in the car for most of the 2-hour trip, but really, she will only sleep for about half an hour.

3. Take her to the beach and let her boss you around (in and out of the water, up and down the sand).

4. Go to a BBQ with loads of the grandparents lake friends. Feed her off your plate. (she eats well - cheese and veggies, pickerel, pasta salad, part of a hot dog)

5. Let her have her own piece of cake. Laugh your but off when she says she is now "happy Molly".

6. Let grandma give her more desert.

7. Let her run around after the BBQ and throw rocks in the lake.

8. Put her in her pyjamas and get in the car around 8pm.

9. She falls asleep in the car almost immediately.

10. Drive home.

11. Carry her inside while she is crying because she woke up in the car.

12. Carry her straight to bed and cover her up.

13. Leave the room.

14. Let the wonder sink in - she has gone to sleep again!

a sad working (outside the home) parent moment

So, Noah learned to ride his two-wheeler without training wheels this week. He is so happy and proud of himself. The sad part is that he learned at daycare. Both Marc and I were looking forward to running with him, and letting go, and helping him get back up. It's just one of those moments, you know?

We've been meaning to take the training wheels off ever since the snow melted this year, but never seemed to find a spare moment. We live on a busy street, and people often drive quite fast down the back alley, so it needed to be an afternoon when one of us had time to take him to the park by himself. Well, it never happened.

Marc has been taking the kids to daycare on his bike whenever the weather permits, and Noah broke a training wheel along the way on Monday. That was the day they taught him to ride at daycare. By the time I picked him up at the end of the day, he was a pro.

Somehow I don't feel any sadness that Molly was potty-trained at daycare:)

i overheard . . .

Noah talking to 2 six-year olds at daycare today. He was telling them he didn't "really" believe in Santa Claus. Hmmmmm, I thought, interesting.

When we got in the car, I asked him about it. He said he didn't believe in Santa. I asked him how the presents got into his stocking on Christmas morning. "It's just magic," he replied.

baby steps

I am starting a new job tomorrow. It is neither closer to my house, nor is it fewer hours than before. (things I have been looking for in a new job).

I am still on campus, and I still work full time.

The positive things about the new job are that I will be doing editorial work, which I enjoy, and I will not have the vacation restrictions I had before (July, August, September, December, January).

I also am getting a small raise.

So, while in some ways it feels like I have not followed my heart in this matter (I really would rather not work outside the home at all), I think this new position will be easier to combine with family life, and will ease our finances as well.

Noah and the WSO

I almost didn't take Noah to see the Symphony perform Peter and the Wolf today. I have been so excited about taking him ever since I bought the tickets. Noah knows the story. We have a lovely version with David Bowie narrating on CD. But, ever since I told Noah about it, he has resisted. It's very weird since he usually loves a chance to spend time alone with Mommy.

His two main objections were that it would be too loud and that it would be boring. Noah does not like to attend live performances in which he is not a participant.

So, about a week ago, I thought we had overcome his objections with a pair of earplugs (just in case). But the day of the concert, he was still refusing to get dressed when I went to put Molly down for her nap. When I came back downstairs, he was asleep. This was around 1 pm. The concert was set to start at 2. I woke him up around 1:25, and asked if he was sick. He just whined something incomprehensible. I then convinced him to get dressed, and we were out the door by 1:45.

We arrived at the concert hall breathless, just as the ticket takers were taking down their stations. We were directed to the 1st balcony. We tore up the stairs and found our seats. As soon as we had taken off our coats, the lights dimmed, and the concert began.

It was all worth it seeing the look on Noah's face as the orchestra played Peter's theme for the very first time.

Here is the funniest thing Noah whispered to me during the concert:


When the Wolf came out of he forest, he leaned over and said, "Rule number 1, never live beside a forest."

senses

Seeing a lamp shade through the window of a bus, through the window of a restaurant, reminded me vividly of the taste of a gin and tonic I had in a piano bar in Niagara on the lake.

birthdays

Noah is tired of waiting for his birthday to come. Today he told me he didn't want to invite anyone, he just wants the presents to come in the mail. What do you say to that?

ET

Noah was crazy excited to rent ET last weekend, so we did. Molly watched a little too, but it didn't seem to capture her attention.

Then on Monday, she came running towards me with her little finger outstretched saying "ET, ET, ET". I couldn't figure it out at first, then she grabbed my finger and pulled the tip of it to her own. I said, "ET phone home?", and she giggled like crazy.

Noah's version of a classic hymn

Swing low, swing cherry hat
Mama gonna carry me home!

I just figured this needed to be recorded. He sings it with a great deal of soul.

one thing I like about Noah

He gets so excited about what's inside the Kindersurprise egg, he will forget to eat the chocolate.

one thing I like about Molly

She would never leave chocolate uneaten.

one thing I like about Marc

he buys Kindersurprise.

weird fact about Noah

As a baby/toddler, Noah was a very picky eater (and still is), but we never had any trouble getting him to take even the most vile tasting medicine.

guilty little secret number 3

I secretly hope that if/when we do get pregnant, it's boy/girl twins.

Holy doodle

Molly is now bringing artwork home from daycare. She loves to draw. She has a lovely style all her own in which she draws lots and lots of circles and swirls. She's getting good at getting stickers off the sheet as well. She is such a little dynamo that her love for drawing comes as a huge relief. It means she will sit still for 5 minutes or so. Of course, you can't really leave the room while she has a drawing implement unless you want to find her circles and swirls all over the table, the floor, the bookcase, the potty . . . and the list goes on.

Noah's drawing is becoming more and more interesting. He likes to draw pirates and knights. He went through a very messy period for awhile where he would tell a story as he was drawing, so there were lots of squiggly lines showing where the characters had gone and what they had done, but the finished product was a little hard to decipher.

I love it when I can get the kids to sit down and draw. Not only is it a bit of a break from the active play-acting games they love, it shows a little bit of how their minds work. It also gives me something colourful to decorate my cubicle at work.

guilty little secret number 2

I look for lucrative job postings for my husband in the hopes of quitting my job.

guilty little secret number 1

The reason I volunteer to drive Noah to swimming lessons is that I get to sit in the stands for half an hour without anyone talking to me.

tiny dancer

So, our little Molly is crazy for music, and she loves to dance. I wish I had a video I could post. She has a style all her own. Last night, after her bath I brought her downstairs to watch a little something while I made lunches. Marc was still in the kitchen washing dishes and listening to music (Pavement, I think it was). Molly made a bee-line for the kitchen, and the dance party began. Noah got in on the act, and soon the kitchen was more like a mosh pit. No one got hurt, but no one seemed very sleepy after that.

Molly's favourite TV show is a new program on CBC Kids called Bo on the Go. It's sort of like Dora, but the kids are invited to move and boogie. It's pretty cute to watch. The dialogue is not fantastic. The main character is always saying things like "bo-tastic" and "wait a bo-beat".

noah-ism

Here is how the conversation went as I remember it:

Noah: when you grow another baby, it will be adopted.

Me: huh?

Marc: what does adopted mean Noah?

Noah: Having 2 Moms and 2 Dads. Me and Daddy would be the Dads, and Molly and Mommy would be the Moms.

lists

In the spirit of Sei Shōnagon's Pillow Book (and Ruth Ozeki's My Year of Meats), here is a list entitled:

Things that give a feeling of well-being and accomplishment:

Knowing how to get to work using public transit even if you don't have to.

Knowing for a certainty that you are not pregnant.

Knowing for a certainty that you are.

a day off part 2

So, Noah got his day off last week. Molly was sick, so I decided we would all stay home. Guess what the little dickens said mid-morning?

"I wish I was going to Shar's (daycare) today"

There's just no pleasing some people :)

maybe not

There may not be room for one more after all.

I'm not sure if I can provide for more than 2 children, and I don't just mean financially, although that is a part of it. I am finding it difficult to be patient with 2. I raise my voice more than I would like.

I would like to be able to go to Noah's soccer games and actually watch them instead of chasing a toddler. I want to really enjoy Molly and Noah's ages and stages.

I know that a parent's capacity to love grows with each child, but when I think of the reality of three, I think of dividing my attention.

So, that's how I feel today.

Of course, if I were to discover I was pregnant tomorrow, I would be overjoyed.

a day off

My heart broke again this morning. Noah begged me to please please please let him take a day off.

Take a day off? You'd think we were sending him to work in the mines, not to school and daycare.

Take a day off? The phrase does not belong in a 4-year-old's vocabulary.

I am so terribly sad for my Noah.

either and both

I love watching my kids play together when they are getting along. One Sunday at Grandma's, Noah was revving a fire-engine up and down the hall. Molly picked up an ambulance and followed. When I told Noah that Molly was copying him, he got the hugest smile on his face and continued the game for a good 15 minutes.

Of course when they're not getting along, I don't get to enjoy either of them.

Noah only bathes every second night, and Molly gets a bath every evening. I really look forward to this time alone with my little girl. When they are both in the tub, Noah does all of the talking and gets most of my attention. When I have Molly alone, I can play with her and give her a nice massage afterwards. I get to marvel at her beautiful baby skin instead of drying and dressing her as quickly as possible.

victim

My blog has become a victim to facebook. I'm addicted. I'm also a little paranoid. Do I have less friends than anyone else? It's kind of like high school that way . . . tee hee.

I took the bus for the first time in a month this morning. It's too cold and wet for Marc to take the kids to school and daycare in the bike-trailer. I had time to write a few things. I think it's pretty sappy, but there it is . .

Noah is my heart. There's no other way to describe it. His joys and pains live in my heart.

Molly is my sunshine. She delights in her world, and she shows it. She gives big hugs, big smiles and screams for joy.

They are so different these children of mine. Their skin, their eyes, their hair. how wondrous and marvelous.

signs of spring

Spring has finally arrived in Winnipeg. How do I know? I had my first sighting of a woman wearing a parka and sandals! tee hee. It made my day.

i'm turning into my mother?

So, we all say it ladies: I'm never going to be like my Mom.

And, then inevitably it happens, and for me at least, it turns out not to be such a bad thing.

But, I must say some things are a little weird. . .

Ways that I am turning into my mother:

1. We have the same hair cut. (mine has yet to turn completely grey)

2. I think my hair cut makes me look like a man (well, OK, I say butch . . . and that's not really a word my Mom uses!!)

3. Like my Mom, I have started wearing dangly earrings to counteract the mannish hair.

4. We got the exact same pair of fleece PJs for Christmas, and were both delighted.

5. I have become addicted to Greek Salad, although mine is a Greek/pasta salad and hers is just lettuce.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, and my lunch hour is over, so I'll end this here. It's just something I think about. Perhaps I'll add more later.

a nice email

from Marc about the kids' day:

Good pick up, so nice to see noah happy and vibrant

He and tuva got married 'not just in play time but in real life', they're going to wait a few years before they have kids

He wore his hat and mask to shar's and all the kids loved it. They were all outside so I was able to drop him off on shar's front yard while she brought them all in for lunch. Molly was happy and walking around outside, but I think she wanted a longer visit from me. She cried when I left.

things I like

With a view to creating some kind of home business, I am listing things I like or like to do:

shopping: I like shopping. I really do. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it. Not sure exactly why, something about being materialistic possibly? Anyhow, what I like best is bargain hunting.

baking: I like to bake though I'm not really the best at it. Given some time and some recipes, I think I could get good at it.

books: pretty evident from my career choices so far: library, bookstore, editor. . . I especially love children's books and have always loved them even before I had kids. I think of this love of children's literature as a common link between all my siblings. My Mom made sure there were lots of good books around and took us to the library regularly.

home-made things: I'm not a sewer, a knitter, a quilter, but I appreciate these things. I'm going to learn.

music: I haven't played my guitar in a long long time.

So, it looks like I should run a cafe-bookstore where I can play guitar for the customers. hmmm.

edited to add: my hubbie and kids are not on this list because I thought that went without saying. I'm adding this in case anyone (Marc!) thinks it's not.

I pretended . . .

I was a stay-at-home Mom today. It felt good.

I took the day off to take Molly to the doctor and because the kids' daycare is closed for Spring Break.

So, the kids and I played here in the morning. Molly had a short nap - which is very rare these days. Then we got our Spring jackets on and headed out to the doctor's office. Molly is doing great. 21.5 pounds. Apparently she's tall and thin for her age, although looking at her arms and thighs and belly, she's really pleasantly plump.

After Molly's appointment, we dropped in on Marc at work. Noah drew some pictures with highlighters. Then we drove home by way of the Tim Horton's drive through. mmmmm coffee!

After lunch, we watched Baby Shakespeare, then Molly went down for a nap. She's still napping . . . 2 hours later. During this nice long nap, Noah and I made Rice Crispy squares. Now Noah is painting at his easel. I'm well . . .typing.

What a great day.

updates

I think about things to blog all the time, but never seem to get a chance to do more than read (not reply to!) my email these days . Quick updates:

After months of teasing us with little steps and perfect balance, Molly has finally decided to walk. She is very pleased with herself. I think she was waiting until we had a birthday party for her, which we did on February 16th. We waited a couple of weeks since my Mom was coming to visit. It was a small party, just my Mom and Marc's parents and Marc and Noah and I of course. Molly loved her cake, and really seemed to enjoy the strawberries. She's had strawberries a few more times since and has broken out in a rash, so I think she may have an allergy. We'll wait a month or two before trying them again. (she really gobbles them down!)

Noah is showing some interest in learning how to read. He has started some preliminary sounding out. I sometimes think he hasn't learned yet because he thinks we won't read to him anymore once he does. He's not a fan of playing by himself. Noah loves playing Trouble these days. He loves popping the bubble to roll the dice and moving his little pegs around the board. It should be interesting the first time he plays with a friend instead of an adult. Heaven forbid the friend wants to be green (Noah's favourite colour)!

Marc and I are exhausted. Working and parenting full time is wearing us down. Our household runs so much more smoothly with me at home.

superhero names

I'm sure most 4-year-olds have their own superhero names, but Noah has given us all alter-egos. Here they are:

Noah is Captain Noah Boy
Molly is Little Star
Marc is Super Daddy
I am 2-Star Lightning (those happened to be the the stickers I was wearing at the time.

there is no white picket fence

This is my mantra these days. I read it in a Chatelaine article, and it just really seems to fit. The white picket fence is that ideal world where I would get to stay home with the kids. It remains a goal. It's not possible at the moment, but I still want it. Because that's the way it is, it is also helpful to remember that the white picket fence world is not a panacea. Being a stay-at-home Mom is hard work, especially with more than one child.

Weeks 2 and 3 at work have been hard. Week 2 was especially weird. I was convinced that my boss and co-workers didn't want me back. I have a feeling I was projecting.

Here's what I need to do:

I need to commit to being at work for 6 months. I should renew relationships with my co-workers. I should take advantage of the opportunities available to me because I have to be there. I have an entire hour for lunch. These past 3 weeks, I have spent most of it wandering aimlessly through the bookstore or reading magazines. I am going to join the gym at work and work out at noon. I think some exercise will improve my outlook and hopefully melt some of that Christmas weight!

Since I don't seem to find the time to blog a whole lot, and I think some memories and thoughts are being lost, I should take a break from the Sudoku puzzles and journal on my bus rides every now and then.

I should take a look at what I want to be when the kids are a little older. I mean, the most important thing to me is being a Mom, and everything else should take a backseat, but there should be other stuff too. When I take time for me, I don't want it to always be about physical stuff (getting a haircut, working out). I need to take some time for creative and spiritual pursuits.

funny Noah moment

Another one for the baby book:

Noah was saying grace before supper and making silly noises while doing it. I don't like to encourage that particular kind of silliness, so I finished grace for him. Noah's response: Mommy, that was MY line!". I have had him pegged for an actor for a long time. This confirms my suspicions.

the first week

Well, I've been back to work for a week now. Our little household seems to be doing OK. The first day was pretty hard. I think I looked like a deer caught in the headlights all day. I nodded and smiled a lot. It was pretty surreal. People would tell me things about work, and I would think, "is this supposed to matter to me now?".

The rest of the week was a little easier, and my brain seemed to kick in and remember how to process all that information. I could carry on conversations at normal speed. I didn't feel like I was walking through water, sluggish and slow. I couldn't help but notice that my replacement worked more overtime than I ever will. Perhaps I'm being a little paranoid, but I'm wondering if they really want me back. To be fair of course, I don't really want to be back . . .

I am feeling like a bit of an outsider. I go for lunch alone, and that's what I've always done, but I think after a year of constant company, I am feeling that more. It's a lonely way to spend the day.

I am also not actually back at my desk. For the time being, my replacement is occupying that space so she can retrain me to do my job and finish the work she started for this academic term. I have to refrain from plastering the space with Noah's artwork and pictures of Marc and the kids. It's unsettling. And maybe that's a good thing. Earlier in this blog, I had resolved to try and find a way to stay home after 6 months of work. If I get too comfortable, I may not leave.

The kids are doing well at daycare. Noah has made a good friend in a 5 year old boy (the grandson of the daycare lady - Shar). Molly is eating and sleeping well there, and enjoying playing with all the kids. Shar sends me little notes home about what the kids did and how they're settling in.

Marc is doing all the dropping off and picking up. I think this is what's keeping me sane. I say goodbye to the kids at home, and go catch the bus. Marc is going to start working at home in the mornings so that he doesn't have to drive as much. I like that he gets to see the kids during the day. Marc is also getting to know other parents from Noah's class. These were the kind of connections I didn't want to lose going back to work. I've been driving myself crazy thinking about how to make my own schedule more flexible and family friendly. Now I realize it's Marc's turn . . . for now.

celebrations

Yesterday was the last day of my maternity leave (today and Sunday don't count as I don't work weekends). coincidentally, it was also Marc's birthday. now, usually we are all tired of celebrations by the time his birthday comes along (Marc and i are both introverts, so holiday gatherings while delightful are also quite draining), and most of us have a cold we caught over the holidays. So, we don't usually do too much more celebrating for Marc's birthday. This year, however, we returned from our travels on New Years Eve, and were relatively healthy and well rested by the fifth. So, the kids and I spent yesterday preparing a little party.

Noah, Molly and I went shopping for Daddy's present at Zellers in the morning. The kids both sat in the cart, so there were no tantrums about the toy aisle, and the kids entertained each other. Noah was feeding Molly Cheerios. It was super cute. I even picked up a few things that were not on the list while they weren't looking. (Generally, disaster ensues if we don't stick to our original - short - plan.) Noah picked out some Lego that he and Marc could build together. (Of course he wanted to take it out of the package before Marc got home, but that's another story.)

Molly napped in the early afternoon, so Noah and I played Larry Boy games. When she woke up, we headed outside for some fun in the snow. We even went for a short walk with both kids in the sled.

When we came back in, it was time to start making the birthday dinner:salsa chicken, oven fries and salad. (Noah is not a fan of too many veggies - except animated ones that tell Bible stories - but he likes Romaine lettuce.) When faced with the choice of berry-short-birthday-cake and whipped cream or birthday chocolate pudding, Noah picked pudding. While everything was cooking, we decorated for the party. I blew up a dozen balloons, and spread the Sesame Street tablecloth. We had planned to hang the balloons, but ran out of time. (I decided to change a poopy baby instead.) The balloons stayed on the table, and we nestled our plates among them.

When Marc came home, he was greeted by Noah, party hats in hand. He opened his presents, and he and Noah got to work on the Lego while I finished the salad. We had a lovely dinner, and then spent a few minutes playing together in the living room before it was time for tubbies and bed.

It was just the four of us. We didn't invite anyone else, and it was a lovely way to end my maternity leave.

daycare visit

Well, I guess my return to work is actually happening. Noah, Molly and I visited their daycare today. It turns out that they will be attending the same home daycare as Kate is not going to be able to take Noah after all. She's finding the transition to 3 kids a lot more stressful than she thought it would be, and then you throw in some PPD, and it's not good. She says she's grateful that I am being so understanding. I suppose I am, but letting Kate take care of herself and her family is also the better thing for Noah as well. You know?

Having both kids at Shar's daycare means that Marc will be dropping them off and picking them up. It's been a little dream of mine to take the bus to work in the mornings . . .getting a chance to read a book and drink a coffee. We'll see how that dream works out after a few weeks in a bus full of University students! I think that Molly may have an easier time if Marc drops her off than if I were to do it. I hope that's the case.

Back to the actual visit:

I think Molly will be just fine. She was smiling and talking to Shar, and letting her hold her for music circle. Of course, part of me is very happy about this. The other part of me was just about in tears seeing someone else hold my baby, and knowing she will get to hold my baby while I am at work.

Noah, I am not so sure. I'm not sure their personalities are a good fit. Here is an example: Noah was writing his name on her white board. He was taking his time, deciding on the colours and where to put his name. For some reason, he was having some trouble. He can usually write his name in the blink of an eye. At some point, Shar broke in and took his hand to show him how to do it properly. He was not pleased. Noah does not like to be taught how to do things unless he asks for help. My hope is that as she gets to know him, she will be able to relate to him a little better. My fear is that because she will expect Noah to conform to the way things are done there without making any concessions to his personality. I know that he will have to learn her rules. I have no problem with that. I just think things will go better if she listens to what he has to say. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive and over thinking this. I just read Raising Your Spirited Child and a lot of it seemed to fit Noah. Knowing that perhaps he needs a little more help or a little more adjustment time than a lot of kids makes me nervous.

I will miss - part 1

One of the things I will miss when I go back to work is taking the kids to the library every Friday. Before Noah started school, we would go for story time, and now we just go for new books and movies.

(Mom tip: I get new books too, but since I don't have the time to browse the shelves with both kids there, I browse the collection online and reserve the books I want. That way, they are waiting at the check out desk when I arrive.)

It is so nice to see Noah browsing the shelves in the children's department, and watching Molly use the child-sized chairs as baby walkers and cruise around stopping every now and then the pull books off the shelf. (Fortunately, I worked in a library all through university, so I can put the books away quickly and accurately.)

Christmas getting to know your friends

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy this entire post and paste into your own blog. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. 'Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? it depends on the package. My favourite thing to do when I have time is to wrap both halves of a box, so the lid can be lifted off and the box can be reused.

2. Real tree or artificial? artificial. We are still using the scrawny little tree Marc and I bought in Toronto for our first Christmas there. Not a fun year, but the tree is cute and the perfect size for little ones to decorate.

3. When do you put up the tree? depends on how old the kids are.

4. When do you take the tree down? before we go back to work after Christmas

5. Do you like eggnog? I used to. Not sure why I don't anymore.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Robin hood

7. Do you have a nativity scene? yes. see previous post.

8. Hardest person to buy for? in-laws always, which is why I pass this off to Marc. They're his parents after all!

9. Easiest person to buy for? Noah

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? probably clothes that were just not me.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? a little of both.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Grinch (animated). I also really like Love Actually which is Christmassy.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November sometime

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? no

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My Gran's mincemeat tarts

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? coloured

17. Favorite Christmas song? sacred: Oh Holy Night, secular: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? travel (when not 8 months Preggo like last year)

19. Can you name all of Santa's rein deers? yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? when people ask what you got for Christmas.

peek-a-boo

My recent posts seem to be about Noah, so here's one about Molly.

She is still a delight, although if she slept a little more, she would be even more so . . .

I have never seen a baby who loves a game of peek-a-boo more than she does. She will actually initiate the games by pulling her shirt or bib up over her face then peeking out. She waits for me to say peek-a-boo then giggles like crazy.

She laughs a lot more than Noah did as a baby. She gets excited and vocal, where Noah was serious and observant. I'm not saying one is better or worse than the other. Both are my babies and completely unique, different from anyone else anywhere.

it needs a little something

Noah thought our nativity scene needed "someone to save the day". I'm really not ready to explore the theological implications of this.

what a nice boy

I just had to share this lovely story about Noah.

Noah and a little girl in his nursery school class were having some trouble getting on their winter gear (um, more like refusing to put it on and running around instead). The little girl's Mom thought it would be a good idea to have them race to their lockers to get their stuff. I thought so too. Noah won the race, and the little girl had a bit of a meltdown (as would a lot of 4-year-olds who always win races at home). After I quieted Noah's celebratory yells and told him that his friend was sad because she hadn't won, Noah heard the girl's Mom explain that she couldn't always win. Noah piped in that he and his sister took turns being the first one in the bath tub. The kids had another race, and Noah very sweetly let the little girl win. I was so proud of him.

chore charts

Awhile back we started a chore chart for Noah, mostly as an incentive to get himself dressed for school. He had three chores to do each day, and he got to add a check mark and a happy face to his Larry Boy chore chart when he completed each one. It worked well for a little while, but after a couple of weeks we all lost interest.

Last night at supper, Noah decided he needed a check mark for taking his dishes to the kitchen. The chart had been lost, so he decided to make his own. After he finished that, he went on to create one for each member of the family. Here are our chores according to Noah:

Noah:
1. Get dressed.
2. Tidy the toys.
3. Take dishes to the kitchen

Me:
1. Feed Molly.
2. Clean the toilet.
3. Clean my room.
4. Play with Noah.

Marc:
1. Wash the dishes.
2. Help Noah tidy up the toys.
3. Play with Noah.

Molly:
1. Play with Noah.

and now some new photos

Here are some of the shots Marc has taken with my granddad's old camera. The colours are better on the actual photographs.

christmas shopping

So, I've done a little shopping. Not so much that I won't have to rush around like a mad woman mid-December. It's tradition.

I'm having a hard time shopping for Molly. There are so many things I see that Noah would really love, that suit his quirky personality, but everything I see for kids Molly's age seems generic and bland. Part of it is of course that Molly won't really care what's under the tree. She would be content with an old shoe if she hadn't played with it before. At the moment, I think the fondest wish of her heart is to allowed to chew the video cassette cases until they crumble away to nothing. Can you tell she's teething?

I'm feeling freed up to prepare and celebrate Christmas these days because we finally have daycare in place for both the kids. Noah will be going home with his friend Brayden after Nursery school, and Molly just got a spot in a lovely home daycare. The DCP does Yoga with the kids and felt board stories and music circle. I'm very excited about it. That's more than I ever do with my two! She will also cloth diaper, so that's a huge savings as well. Of course I'm still sad about going back to work, but I'm so relieved to have the kids in good hands. I've known Kate (Brayden's Mom) since Noah was tiny, and the new daycare lady is actually the mother of one of Marc's ex-girlfriends. As weird as it sounds, the fact that she is not a complete stranger makes things easier. (I may have to forgive the ex girlfriend for writing that letter suggesting Marc not marry me though. I suppose it's a grudge I can do without. It has been 10 years after all.)

late halloween story

It's one of those stories that prove your kids actually are listening when you try to teach them something.

The Sunday after Halloween, Marc's parents came over for supper. Grandpa was teasing Noah about eating all of his Halloween candy. Noah howled "no, grandpa! I don't want you to get sick." It was kind of nice that Noah was more concerned about Grandpa's health than he was about losing his candy.

and so it begins . . .

Before 10 o'clock this morning, Molly already had a cut by her eye and a fat lip from two separate falls. She is crazy adventurous. I love all this great new stuff she is doing, but boy, the daily heart attacks are taking their toll on me!

updates

So, I've been neglecting my blog lately. A crawling baby brings a new level of busy-ness to the life of a Mom. Our living room/dining room is pretty much baby-proofed, but there are always one or two problem areas that attract our little Molly-o, flies to honey, moths to the flame, etc. etc.

I don't have anything specific to blog about, but here are some updates:

Molly: the crawling, redheaded, almost walking dynamo. She is a delight and wants to be in on any action to be had, whether it is Noah playing trains or wrestling with Dad. She is no shrinking violet. When she sees something interesting, she lets out an excited yell and goes for it! She is balancing a little on her own. I am (stupidly) encouraging her to walk early so I don't miss at when I go back to work in January.


Noah: our wacky 4 year old space boy. Noah is enjoying nursery school most days, and is learning to read. He's not quite at the sounding out stage yet, but he will attempt it with much prompting. A quotation, "Mom, how do you spell Larry Boy and Junior save the day?" Couldn't we start with dog and cat? He has an amazing memory. When I can't remember part of a poem or nursery rhyme (this happens a lot!) he tells me which book we can find it in. And often, it is a book we haven't read in months. At supper last night he also remembered that he promised to try tofu. Unfortunately, Molly was not having tofu last night. Maybe he'll go for it tonight.

me: very sad about going back to work. Very excited about the upcoming Christmas season. thinking hard about new baby soon. no, no. First, implement stay at home money-making scheme, then think about baby Ben (he already has a name tee hee).

Marc: has taken up photography with my Granddad's old camera. He is taking some really amazing shots of the kids and other things.

please oh please

let Molly enjoy playing with action figures soon!

I am tired of providing the voice of Archibald Asparagus!

fast forward

Both the kids seem to be on fast forward these days.

In Molly's case, she is passing milestones left and right. She starting crawling forward yesterday. She is talking more and more. She just loves saying mum mum mum mum mum. (I love it too!) To be fair she has mentioned Dada in passing . . . She is a rough and tumble baby. She loves noise and action and wants to participate.

In Noah's case, it is not so pleasant. His behaviour is impossible these days. He will not listen. In fact, he won't stop talking. His "not listening" has reached a new plateau. He has gone from doing what he wants to do to doing whatever he thinks will make Mom and Dad upset. It is very difficult not to yell at him. In fact, I have a few times, and he just laughs. It's infuriating.

I am really hoping these two phenomena are related. Molly is getting a lot of attention and praise for her accomplishments, and requires more attention because of them (to keep her from hurting herself). Noah wants more attention and acts out because of it AND has to defend his toys. I guess my strategy for the next little while will be to try and "catch" Noah being good and heaping on the attention.

One cool thing about Noah: He is learning how to print words other than his own name. He wrote Larry Boy in church yesterday.

molly motion

Molly is discovering how to move around these days. It is very cute, scary and just a little frustrating for her as her crawling attempts propel her backwards and further away from the toy she was after.

She has managed to pull herself up on her toy basket and grab toys from inside (before falling over backwards).

I think we may be in for some trouble when Molly figures out how to crawl forward. The object that most motivates her is Noah's beloved Larry Mobile!

another perfect morning

We have entered another lovely phase of my maternity leave. Noah goes to Nursery school, Monday to Friday. It's about a 20 or 25 minute walk. We leave the house with Marc in the morning and walk him to the bus stop and continue on to school. Molly and I then have the morning to ourselves. Sometimes we hang around the neighbourhood, go to the park, drop in our midwife Toni, go to a baby group, and sometimes we just come home. Molly usually naps if we do this, and I have time to blog . . . er, I mean, clean the house!

The days are getting cooler now, and the morning walks are quite crisp and refreshing. I think I'm losing my baby weight (finally) -- must be sure not to frequent the neighbourhood bakery too often. Noah gets out of school at 11:25, then we walk (or drive) home. One of Noah's favourite lunches is pancakes. We often mix them together, then he plays computer games while I cook them.

It is life at such a lovely pace. It is obviously busy enough with two kids, but they don't feel the stress of rushing around except maybe a little getting out the door for school. These would indeed be perfect mornings if Molly enjoyed the stroller a little more.

you know what?

There is room for one more. Absolutely. In a couple of years, I'll be 37. That's not THAT old. I want another baby. Yep, I do. Marc has no objections (that he has mentioned). OK. There it is. I am going to work hard to create a lifestyle that will accommodate 3 kids.

I love walking Noah to school and coming home to be with Molly, and doing community and neighbourhood stuff. What goal should I set so that I can keep doing that?

I have to go back to work for at least 6 months, and I can't make less money than I do now (adjusted for daycare expenses of course). So, I've got a little time to create some fabulous home business.

cheating

So, my post today is not something I made up, but an email from my sister. I want it in my blog so it doesn't get lost like so many emails do. I sure do miss my family. I would love for the kids to see their cousins at least once a week instead of 3 times a year.

Hey Seester,
Just thought I'd let you know that Beah is thinking about
you guys even when we haven't seen you in a while...
Yesterday, Bridget wanted her big mommy bear out. Then I found the Daddy and a baby. When I found her another one, I asked who it was and she said "Noah bear". When I found a smaller one, she decided it was Beah bear and made the smallest one Baby Molly Bear. Then a small pink one appeared and she called it Auntie Edie bear. Then I told her we were out of bears and she got really upset because there wasn't an Uncle Marc bear -- so we substituted a little gorilla. So you guys are now a bear family (with a monkey dad!).

For those who don't know, Beah is what my 2-year-old niece Bridget calls herself, and I am Auntie Edie, so named by my oldest nephew Josh.

important events

So, a few landmarks have been celebrated without any mention here, so here they are.

10 years ago August 31st

Marc and I were married. We celebrated by going out for Sushi and cheesecake (without the kids). There are no pictures of this, but hard as it is to believe, it did happen. It was nice. We're going to do it again. . . as soon as we can fly in a babysitter. Here we are 10 years ago:

4 years ago: September 7th

Noah was born. We celebrated with a few friends and the grandparents. Noah had a blast. He was so excited about the balloons and streamers, we left them up for almost a week. Here's our superhero.

1st day of school: September 11th

Noah started Nursery School. He is having fun, I think. He's pretty close mouthed about the details.

silly parental advice

Ever since we started bathing Noah and Molly together, we've been warning Noah not to splash Molly too hard. "Be careful of the baby, Noah." That's too much splashing Noah" etc. . .

Turns out, one of Molly's favourite things is being splashed in the face. She giggles her cute little butt off.

cake

We had Noah's birthday party yesterday. I'll post more about that later. I just really wanted to show off the cake my Mom and I made and decorated!

making sense of it all

While they are going on, Noah's melt-downs seem to have very little to do with anything, no rhyme or reason. I find myself thinking: is he hungry? tired? Does he have to pee? But often once the storm is over, I find there is a reason for these things and one that is quite different from the run-of-the-mill reasons I just mentioned. Here is an example:

Noah had a huge meltdown at my Mom and Dad's the last night we were there. All his cousins were there, and we were having a surprise birthday party for Kiera who will be turning 11 next month. All of a sudden he was crying about everything, yelling at everyone and generally being very hard to be around. I took him to our room, and he cried and screamed for awhile. Then, when he was getting tired, he said: I wish all these kids lived in Winnipeg. Wow. My heart just broke.

cocooning

One of Noah's favourite games is playing caterpillars. It is often a welcome change from super-Noah/super mommy, engineers, cowboys and detectives which are quite boisterous and draining. Playing caterpillars involves crawling around on our wall of mattresses, eating leaves (pillows), crawling into a cocoon (also pillows) and emerging as beautiful butterflies. It's a wonderful thing. We do it over and over again (because Molly keeps changing us back into caterpillars).

I sometimes think this is Noah's year for cocooning. We often get glimpses of a beautiful butterfly trying to emerge.

noah-isms

I love to listen to Noah and Marc talk. One day, I had been telling Noah about Marc's job in a research firm. That night, at supper, the following conversation ensues:

Noah: I research too Daddy.
Marc: Maybe I should work at home some days and you can be my research assistant.
Noah: Daddy, you can be MY research assistant. . . and I will be your sidekick.

That one did make it into the baby book.

Today while we were walking to the park, Noah asked me if it was very windy in Bethlehem. I had to admit I didn't know.

the beginning of the end

OK, ok so I'm being a little dramatic. Molly has started eating solid food, if you can call baby cereal solid! More than her other accomplishments, this one makes me a little sad for some reason. Maybe it's because she doesn't need me so absolutely anymore. I know that our breastfeeding days are not coming to an end by any means, but . . . I can't express it. My baby is growing up.

That said, she is doing great with the cereal. We started a couple of weeks ago, and it has been a bit of a struggle getting her to open her mouth. All of a sudden, she figured it out and now she will ask me for cereal. She makes these cute little smacking noises and mmmmmm sounds (instead of the oh-so-subtle cue that she would like to nurse - grabbing my shirt both hands and headbutting my breasts).

so many thoughts, so little time

Hmmmm, I'm not sure where to start, and I have a feeling that if I give each topic that is currently whirring around in my brain it's own space, I will never finish. So, I think it's going to be a little stream of consciousness or at the very least an eclectic collection of thoughts.

vacation stuff
If I were ever to write a parent's guide to road trips in western Canada, I would definitely include the washroom in the Shell station in Indian Head (east of Regina). There is a REAL changing table (not one of those plastic pull-down ones). The garbage can is close enough to throw out the diaper without leaving the baby unattended. There is also a full-length mirror to entertain any older kids you have to take with you! I wouldn't recommend it as a nursing stop, although the Craft and Tea Elevator next door is pleasant enough for that.

at the lake
I think my favourite memory of this summer will be swimming out to the diving board platform at Sturgeon Lake with Noah. Things have been so difficult with him this year (and our vacation was not free of that sort of thing), but swimming with him was pure joy for both of us. We would swim out the platform and climb up the ladder, shimmy along the diving board trying to avoid gull poop (pretty much impossible - thank goodness for water shoes!). Then we would count to 3 and I would give him a little push. As soon as he bobbed up in the water (he was in a life-jacket) I would jump in too. We did this over and over until Noah was shivering really hard. Poor guy! He loves to swim, but doesn't have the bodyfat to keep him warm for very long. We did this 2 days in a row. On the second day, I wrapped Noah in both our towels and he just rested on my lap and almost fell asleep on the beach. sweet. Wish I had a picture.

away

I've been away for awhile, travelling and whatnot. Things are back to normal, so I will be posting soon!

just because

they're so darned cute!

things i feel good about

1. breastfeeding - nothing better for Mom or baby.
2. cloth diapering - I haven't bought disposable diapers since our Easter roadtrip.
3. being pregnant/giving birth - very comfortable pregnancies and speedy deliveries if left to go into labour on my own.
4. reading to the kids
(Is there some kind of theme here?)
5. planting a garden - Noah ate all his garden peas for supper tonight with no complaints. He helped plant them and picked the "fat juicy peapods" this afternoon.
6. drying my laundry outside (except for diapers - see "no good very bad day")
7. composting

my mom

Check out this rocking nana of nine!

counting our blessings

This is going to be difficult to write. I'm sure it will take awhile.

I am a selfish person a lot of the time. It is something that I work on, but the impulse to be generous does not come naturally to me. It is usually a conscious effort and feels forced and awkward. It is so easy to get caught up in one's own small life especially on those days when there is not enough silence to listen to inner voices. I love my kids, but there are days when I speak more harshly than I would like. I am ashamed of that. I need to learn that Noah's defiance is not about me; it is about him learning who he is. Knowing this, it is difficult to keep my calm.

So much of the day is taken up in immediate concerns . . .feeding, diapering, keeping Noah busy if not happy. Any moments left for thought are consumed by worries about money, going back to work, finding daycare, etc. And those aren't really thoughts, they're noise too.

I think I spend a good deal too much time feeling sorry for myself when I can't have the things I want like a chance to sleep in every now and then. And, if I'm lucky, it is at this point when I think of those who are not as lucky as I am. One particular example comes to mind:

STEWART _ Danara Snow (nee Healy) Sunshine had broken through the clouds, The air waswarm and smelling sweetly, One brave rose in Danara's garden had come to full bloom Verypeacefully, On Mothers Day, May 9th, 2004 in the loving arms of her family, Danara drewher last breath. She is survived by her loving husband Brad; wonderful daughter Hope;mother Marlene Tamaki (David); father Kearney Healy (Lori); brother Daylan (Alana);sisters, Ria and Dani; grandmother Mabel Tamaki; aunts and uncles, Brenda, Shelley,Graham (Tracy), Doug (Sharon), Barry (Janice), Greg, Haely (Juhan); in-laws, April(Rob), Murray (Ruth); sisters-in-laws, September (Ryan), Olivia, Jamieson, and manycousins, nieces, nephews, and friends whom Danara cherished. She will be missed morethan words can convey. A celebration of Danara's life will be held on her birthday, inVancouver July 16th 2004. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Danara's name, tothe BC Cancer Foundation.

I went to elementary school with Danara. We lost touch after university. I try to think of her when I need to count my blessings. I wake up every morning with my kids and my husband. This should be enough.

i cut my own hair last night

The title says it all. It doesn't look too bad. It has been sooo hot here, and I've been wanting to get out to get my hair cut, and finally got so frustrated, I just put it in a ponytail (a small one) and chopped it off. Then I evened it out a bit. I feel so much better with no hair on my neck!

It's one of those things. I'm 35, and I've never tried to cut my own hair. It's silly, but I feel really happy about it.

bath time

Molly has outgrown or nearly outgrown the baby bath. For the past three nights, she has been taking her baths with Noah. It is a lot of fun for the whole family. Noah splashes and plays while Molly watches and giggles and adds some splashes of her own.

The first night, Marc commented on how much chubbier Molly was than Noah had ever been as a baby. Noah (as usual) wanted to know why. One of us went into some long explanation about how people are different sizes and shapes. Noah concluded that babies who are born at the hospital (like him) are skinny, and babies born at home (like Molly) are chubby.

The next day, Noah decided to use the word chubby in a different context . . . to describe me! I think he expected me to be happy about it since it was a good thing when we were talking about Molly. I was kind of hoping he didn't really know what the word meant, but today he asked me if I was growing another baby. I guess it's time to get some exercise!

(the picture was taken during Molly's first bath, not this week, but it was the only bath picture I have!)

no good very bad day

Yesterday was terrible. Noah was pretty much on me all day long. He was either climbing on me, stepping on my foot, standing in front of me, trying to crawl through my legs, or jumping on me. I don't think I've been particularly inattentive lately, so I'm not sure what gives.

I also tried to run errands with the kids. Not a good plan apparently. I needed to renew my drivers' license, and being the end of the month, the line up was super long -- no fun for Noah. Fortunately Molly was content to play with toys in her carseat and charm the other folks in line. At that point, I should have heeded my instinct and gone straight home, but I wanted to make chicken burgers for supper and needed ground chicken, so we went to Safeway.

Driving between MPI and Safeway, I forgot to buckle Noah's seatbelt, so he started freaking out as we were leaving the parking lot. There were cars behind me, so I needed to pull out and park with Noah standing up and almost in the front seat yelling at him to sit down while he's crying about his seatbelt. Bad bad Mommy moment.

In Safeway, Noah would not sit still in the cart and kept leaning out and trying to touch things. When he was out of the cart, he tried to run away 3 times.

There will be no more running errands with more kids than adults.

When we got home, I decided to hang diapers on the line for a little sun bleaching. Note to self: diapers are very very heavy when wet. The line broke. There were diapers all over the yard.

I think this was also the day Noah started saying: "I'm going to kill you Mommy."

That's it. Bad day over.

this post is about me

Today is my birthday. Yup, I'm 35, and I'm not actually as freaked out about it as I thought I would be. I spent the day with the kids (as usual on a weekday), and planned to have a picnic in the park for supper. I thought maybe we would get some ice cream as a birthday treat. Noah was extremely concerned about the lack of cake in these plans, so this morning's outing was to the corner store for a cake mix. You know you're a Mom when you bake yourself cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles when it's almost 30 above! To a 3 year old, a birthday - any birthday - without cake is just plain wrong!

baking with the boy

Noah is an avid baker -- as long as there are no more than 3 ingredients! One of out favourite recipes is for peanut butter cookies (1 cup peanut butter, 1 cup sugar, 1 egg) which we found in the Mouse Cookies cookbook. Now, whenever Noah feels the urge to bake, he says,"to the mouse cookbook", with the same emphasis as "to the batmobile". Too funny!

she sings!

Molly is 5 months old today, and has just recently started singing. Noah likes to hum while he plays (usually the Larry-Boy theme song or music from Hermie: a common caterpillar ) and Molly will now hum along. It is an absolutely charming sound. She is actually quite a charming baby (if I do say so myself). She's very content and doesn't cry very much at all. She smiles and laughs and blows razzberries.

We have recently starting putting her in the high chair when we eat supper, and she loves being at the table with us.

belly laughs

Molly has been laughing a lot lately. She has been giving us the odd chuckle since she was a couple of months old, but this past week has been full of belly laughs. I read her a little story last night, and she laughed every time I read the word puppy (which was on every page!). She finds Noah especially hilarious. It really doesn't matter what he says, it cracks her up. Sadly, Noah doesn't seem to realize what a beautiful thing this is, but it is wonderful to see how Molly looks at him.

21st century boy

Noah asked me today what he would have to do to get email. I told him he would have to learn to read. He said OK. So, I guess that's what we'll be doing. Of course, I'm not sure I want my 3-year-old to have an email account, but I do want him to read and to love reading. I do think it would be fun for him to get messages from his cousins and grandparents. Mind you, he'll be asking me to check his email every five minutes (just like Mom!)

thoughtful Noah

Noah is in a defiant phase. At least, I hope it's a phase. He very rarely says "no" anymore when I ask him to do something. His response is now "I WON'T". Unless I ask him not to do something, then it is "I WILL". That said, we had a really good day today with only a few stormy moments one of which involved Noah throwing some grass at me around lunchtime. He didn't want to get out of the paddling pool and have lunch.

Around suppertime, Noah told me he was sorry for throwing the grass at me. It was a simple statement, and yet it meant and means a lot to me. It is an indication that he thinks about things (other than movie plots that he talks about constantly) and has internalized some concept of right and wrong -- not just when he gets caught and wants the time-out to be over.

Another sweet moment today was when Noah helped me with a diaper change. He took a wipe from the package and wiped Molly's bum with it and fondly called her a stinky baby. Too cute. I think I'll change her diaper on the floor more often.